y'know that thing called a "love-hate relationship"? well i guess you could say that that was my opinion of the most recent PCT production. it was a bunch of work for a worthless plot. it was even worse than the last play i participated in, The Drowsy Chaperone.
honestly, i can't even remember what happened except the main characters actually had good singing voices which were set off by horrible australian accents, disturbing attire, and occasional crude humor. not a play i wish to see again and a big let-down from last year's Jekyll & Hyde {which i may inform you, is still one of my favorites of all time.}
maybe next time they will have more luck, and i can spend my $8 more wisely...
i'm about three or five pages away from finishing my journal. so today i went to wal-mart and bought another one. i had a really hard time deciding whether to get one or not because the only plain one there was black. i don't really care for blacks or grays or whites.
but i got it. i consoled my purchase with the thought that it had black stripes as a pattern on the inside of the cover. i really do love stripes.
and so now? i have a new journal and two college ruled notebooks to write my missionary letters in. because yes, i plan on doing that too. regularly. well, regularly for at least one missionary.
and because i guess i have so many opinions and hard questions that people really never like to face...it's good for me to have a journal. i have noticed that i will sometimes take my hard words out on others {those they apply to} if i don't write them down somewhere else. in other words - i really need to keep a journal.
most people don't like my honesty.
so here's to a new journal. a black one, with stripes. may i have many adventures to fill it with and keep my many criticisms to myself. may the good friends i have made and will make find themselves honestly represented in it's pages and may i make many enemies for standing what is truth and right.
i was sick that morning, so i went to the singles ward later in the day with my sister so that i wouldn't miss sacrament. it was an odd decision for me to make but now i see that it was a necessary one.
honestly i can say that i was definitely a bit creeped out by all of the older men making eyes at the younger females. new meat. innocent hearts to break. not gonna lie, it must be really enticing for certain types of the male specimen. not a type i am looking forward to befriending in any way.
my sister and i exchanged short notes during the talks. mine mostly made comments on my extreme fear of the balding males and giggling females. i was definitely right about my deep-seated fear about singles wards. hazardous grounds were we on. tread carefully we must. avert thine eyes ye precious unbroken hearts.
save yourselves while you still can!
it was later in the meeting when a lone stranger {almost hairless} came in search of his scriptures on our row and afterward decided to seat himself next to me. terrified, i let him but was wary to have any contact. i removed my purse on the other side of me so i could slyly scoot closer to my sister and to safety.
he briefly mentioned something about the music and then afterward we talked a bit more. i felt so awkward. i was so out of place in this older people's zone. i wanted to put my little kid antics on and run away, shouting i hate dresses and silly people. of course i couldn't though and eventually he asked for my number and mentioned/asked if we could possibly go out some time. i was shocked.
does this normally happen on a girl's first time to the single's ward? were my thoughts.
and now almost a week later, after the date and after the whole experience is over...i am thankful. who would have expected that? i know why us young'ns are encouraged to date around, find what we do and do not like about people. i have discovered many things that i don't like, and recognized that multiple have those things which i do like.
but for the record: i like hair, i like being right - even {if not especially when i am wrong}, i like reasoning and sound minds, and i like peace and quiet - not always searching for songs on the radio {because i believe that silence...is beautiful too.}
and this statement is not a criticism....rather me just taking note.
oh and i don't really care for coldstone ice-creams. but then i already knew that one.
you curl up on the couch afterward with your rice bag heated to its maximum non-searing hot potential
you watch whatever tv shows your mom and sister want to because you hurt too much to move
you swallow nasty red pills and then drink soda so they'll go faster through your system
you wear basketball shorts before your shower and sweats after, even though you shaved.
you wait until 2pm to shower
and then you never do your hair or makeup until 8pm
you try to get something or even just anything done but once you are only a third of the way done, your pain meds run out on you and you're nauseated and you can't move until the next four kick in.
you can cry because your hair doesn't quite look right
you get a little moody because your dog left two hairballs on your room and must have slept on your bed
you can't make up your mind whether you can hang out with friends even though you know you really want to
and when you're a girl you really really wish that someone could hold you.
BUT
i'm still thankful. every moment. i am thankful, that i am a girl.
“If you wouldn’t attend their funeral, don’t wish them a Happy Birthday.”
on my birthday...with all the pointless little-meant well-wishers, i find this quote going through my head. when i wish someone a happy birthday, i make mine meaningful and only post on people's walls whose life is directly important to my own.
and things that smell bad...should be removed...yes?
okay.
so my small group of friends...well...some of the girls are kind of acting like geese. they're gossiping.
i know. i was shocked too.
but you know what?
i'm going to get up the courage to ask them to stop.
and by writing it? i am holding myself accountable.
please tell me that you too get very, very annoyed when you hear three different people, three separate times, all saying the same petty silly thing about one girl.
{by the way - that girl? she's probably one of the most innocent and sweet girls i've ever met.}
just know.
gossip? you may not know you are doing it. but it hurts
so a friend from my old, old ward (two houses ago in other words...) has this beautiful, inspiring, delightful blog that i occasionally enjoy reading. she has just...a very clear way of writing and it's bright and happy and, well yes. she's one of my heroes. not to mention...she's a truly classy young woman. read her blog. she's lovely. specifically this post, because it reminds me how blessed i am with having so many friends who are exactly as she describes is lacking but desirable. you will understand - just read.
i read a friend's blog this morning...and when they used to post about things, actual events in their life, i would get jealous. because i wasn't there.
today...and recently...i haven't felt that way. i'm not jealous at all. and not gonna lie, it's such a relief. my life now isn't a replacement but to me...for me i guess would be better to say, it is better.
my friends now...i can't think of a single one of them who would ever let me down. and that means the world to me. i miss kaytlyn and kelsey a lot, but phone calls with kaytlyn are a good remedy {although i can't wait for christmas when she comes up to visit us!} and being able to see kelsey occasionally is awesome, like yesterday.
i feel so normal and outgoing these days. i think i found myself in elk ridge. i have never been more myself. ever. and i love it. i don't use people, i am not afraid to take the lead if needs be, and honestly i think it may have something to do with all strings being cut to my old life. i could have changed my whole life around, made a fake identity for myself here even...and no one would have known and the ironic and funny part of it all is that i did, but i threw away the fake me, and became the me that has always been there.
i once told nicole...that there were two kayllas. i don't think i understood even then... i'm so glad to be myself!
i'm so happy for my friend too up in highland, her life is exactly how it should be, full of friends and laughter and no more old kaylla pulling her down all the time. i wish i could have been better but we both made mistakes. i think...we've come to a good place. i'm excited to see their play of Pride & Prejudice...i hope she gets a lead role.
all the new experiences i'm having too...i mean, at AHS i never would have gone to a swim meet or so many plays. i never would have gone exploring around backstage and found my new hideaway place in the snoopy doghouse. i never would have eaten in the vestibule every single day and i'd never have met all the wonderful people i know now. treat day would be a mystery, KJ and her...interesting humor, late night sonic runs for ice cream sundays, movie and halloween parties, so many inside jokes........these people i feel genuinely love me. and the fact that they love the real me...i think they love more of me than anyone ever has. except for maybe a few people back from those past years. but only a spare few.
i'm glad i've changed.
and life is good.
and lovely.
and i'm in love with it.
PS - if you haven't, you should go to a swim meet. they're fun if you know people there and the relays are intense (: it's completely different than soccer though... but still awesome. and congratulations to my friend who cut of 18 seconds on their 500! aw yeeah! (:
yesterday i let go of one of my fears. i'm not quite sure why but all growing up i hated telling people my middle name. maybe it was the fact that no one could say or spell it right, but i just hated it. i loved the story behind it and how cliche it was, but it wasn't enough to shout it out to the world like that. but yesterday...not really sure what changed but it simply didn't matter anymore.
one of my guy friends asked me what it was and i just told him. it was...shocking, because first he told me it was cute, then...he corrected himself thinking about the name and said it was a beautiful name - or something like that. it was strange. someone had actually complimented me on my name, an honest compliment...without my asking for the pity. and he hadn't teased me about it either.
for the first time i realized that simply embracing myself no matter what unlikable parts of me that that includes, that in the end it will be worth it. not caring whether or not people like my quirks or if they completely annoy them just isn't worth it anymore. not to me.
so i guess from now on when people ask me what my middle name is...they're going to get it. but only verbally...because when it's spelled out they still say it wrong. haha just kidding.
my name is McKaylla Joël White and i love my name.
why did i have to change my blog address? let's just say the world is full of bad guys. it's really not important the in depth story but just a warning to all you young girls out there; don't always trust people the way you wish you could. not everyone is deserving of that pure trust that you are capable of giving them. they will misuse it. and when that happens, your privacy and sometimes your safety are at risk. you will get hurt.
there is some very personal information on my blog that if you compiled it all you could totally make a stalker profile for me. you can even find out where i live if you tried hard enough. so because there are evil people out there who i would like to avoid and divert, i am going to attempt to remove all personal info like that, also avoid personal stuff that could be potentially harming and i am also asking something of you. please, if you know me personally don't link yourself to my blog. i know that sounds kind of snobbish but if one of those people who are the cause for my needing to change my blog address are also reading your blogs, and you're connected to mine...i'll just have to keep changing the URL which you have no idea is a HUGE pain in my rear end.
so keep my interests at heart; this really doesn't apply to those people who don't know me personally {in which case a shoutout to those readers, i seriously love your guts, because not only do you read my thoughts but i read your blogs as well and enjoy all of them!}
anyway; be careful with other people's privacy, don't do drugs...eat your vegetables...you know the routine ;P
not gonna lie...i have written a lot of posts recently. you just haven't seen them because i don't have the guts to actually put all my thoughts out there for the world to read anymore. sad, i know. but i don't feel like putting my heart on the line like that. not for now at least, and not to you...{"you" being the few critical people who love to judge me}.
first of all, i'm tired of silly high-school girl conversations. sure, i post a lot about one certain person...but i need to make sure you all know that no, we're not a couple, we're not a thing, i'm not infatuated, i don't have a crush {wow...that word is so elementary aged, seriously people}. all those conversations are getting really annoying after so many years of all the same stupid stuff. i'm almost an adult...and honestly, the way i view relationships are definitely changing in the extremes. and just to make it brief, we are just really really good friends. future and past are rarely under any consideration, we are just having a good time with what time we do have together.
i hope and really think you'll understand. so thanks for refraining from those....immature high school comments and etc. thanks.
no, i'm not a "guy magnet". yes, lots of guys say hi to me...but so do a lot of girls. yes, that one guy who gives my stomach butterflitis drops in to say hello before Stats class starts, but it's on his way to swim so it's all good. yes i feel more comfortable talking to guys than girls sometimes about...life, specifically certain guys {who i guess are pretty popular i've found out} but that's okay, i talk to girls a lot too...ish. yah, i feel more comfortable around chris, seth, sean and jason than the other girls sometimes but that's not proof of your statement, it's more proof that i'm a girl with three older brothers and likes that. sure i fakey flirt with craig and landon a lot but they know it's all a joke, and they've done it all back to me, but i started it. yup, taylar did start randomly dancing with me in the hallways and is super nice to me, but it wasn't that way until i crawled out of my shell too. joe tells me i'm beautiful of his own choice, but that's because he was always trying to communicate that i was more than physically pretty...which was a Lovely experience. and sometimes charlie sneaks up behind me and tears hair out of my head because we've really become great friends. it's all kind of just a part of being me. it doesn't mean i have a crush on all of them, or them on me {in fact it almost means the exact opposite...}
sometimes girl, you gotta just live life loving everything and loving everyone. go to life and life will welcome you with open arms. so don't be bitter... (: just accept the adventure.
whenever i see people in the hallway walking really close together {a boy and a girl} i always look at their hands, because a tell-tale sign of boyfriends and girlfriends and all those things is the fact that they hold hands as they walk to and from classes.
i don't know why but these random couples make me feel...sweaty inside. weird description, yes, but if you think about it...you'd understand.
but then in my TA in the Library there is this really big window. Emily and I {she's one of the other TA's} made the connection of it's like a fishbowl, since we can see anyone who walks past and anyone who walks past can also see us. and see very well. they're just kind of a wall of non-tinted windows which sometimes is awkward, but for the most part it's pretty fun.
the other day i saw a boy and a girl. they were talking and laughing together and i swear i've never seen anything more precious. they didn't touch once, but somehow i could tell that they were...very attracted to each other {since love would be presumptuous of me, i avoid the word} and it just made me all silly abs happy inside. maybe high school romances are messy, dramatic and far-fetched but sometimes people can find genuine goodness in them.
and now...for the contrast. walking into the school after Early Morning Seminary i walked through a doorway to another hallway and it was strange; right there on the corner were these two kids just...not groping each other but his arm was ALL the way around her and she was...practically as close as she could get without taking her clothes off kind of deal. it had nothing to do with the fact that they also were like gothic and had extreme colored hair, spiked black and streaky red, whatever...but how intimate they appeared. their intimacy spelled T-R-O-U-B-L-E.
it made me feel sad in a way; because continuing on like that? will not end well for either of them. don't they realize that?
i want to be in love like the first couple. happy to be with them without having to have to touch them. for me, touch is my weakness. i realized that last week when i got cornered a little bit and realized i had given the wrong impression again. {dangit} anyway - touch: my weakness, yes because if a guy touches me, holds me enough, gives me enough tight hugs, puts his arm around me...i know i'll get confused. that is one reason why i won't let one friend put his arm around me as much anymore, because i don't want to get confused and i definitely don't want him to either.
i never want someone to manipulate me again using verbal or physical means. i could care less if that means i stay an old maid, whatever. when someone uses my love language to get what they want, i draw the line.
anyway.
high school is weird.
beware of those boys who want to hold your body more than your trust. the end.
Kaylla.
PS - my reference to having been manipulated again had nothing to do with my jr. year. just a sidenote, no offense should be taken by anyone really unless they know the other stuff, etc.
the way that amaya smiles at me and makes me feel like i am a definite part of the group. how chad tries to steal my bracelet by holding my hand. how allie talks as if we've been friends for ages. the way i can banter back and forth with collin about music. alicea's laugh. the name charlie and blaming him for everything that goes wrong. craig's amazing leadership skills. sean putting his arm around me like a little sister. the way everyone waves and says goodbye as i'm leaving. how i am not afraid to wear whatever i want, because it's not my clothes that define me but how genuine i am and make others feel around me as well. adrienne's innocent beauty. everyone's obsession with harry potter and "a very potter musical". alex's witty comments. how allie actually wants to go slacklining with me and take me longboarding. the way it's so easy to tease around with charlie, and how in his prediction of my future he didn't skip a beat to make himself my first husband {i think this might be why i heard him called "prince charming"}. megan being just as cool as she is and admitting outright that she doesn't like salad either. when collin shows me piano and rap songs, anything except country. how not one of the boys is disrespectful, and are gentlemen. the fun moments when i don't feel awkward starting a chorus of oohs and ahhs for the salem fireworks. ethan's startling blue eyes and horrible volleyball skills. that rachel is so cute and funny and smart all at the same time. alicea's entire personality that just makes me want to be super happy. being surrounded by so many people who are so real, and actually love everything about each other, nothing fake.
i miss
climbing trees and spontaneous moments with brittani. playing soccer outside afterschool with madison and jongthu. math class with austin. getting teased by michael and trying to have good come-backs...but failing. having a place to belong. sitting late at night in nick's basement singing along to "lips" and fooling around. trips to wal-mart and getting kicked out because of frenchy. nick's korean dancing skills. study halls spent doing anything but studying. ultimate frisbee during history/current events. the happy surprise of him coming up behind me. teaching esteban small bits of ASL. doing my handshake with Drewbee. teasing and mocking davieboy. always texting either brittani or madison. stake dances every other weekend and getting lost in alpine. short walks in the snow, talking about nothing. last dances and broken chances. apple bread for birthdays and too much chocolate for valentine's. long texts with madison about random things like toy story to stuffed animals to piro-maniacs. long drives and talks with my mom. wandering around kohler's. climbing on brittani's roof. playing golf in the wind and rain. watching tangled. being cared about, even when i doubted.
i had lots to say on the fact that my list for "i miss" is a lot shorter than "i love". but i erased it all due to bias. take your own interpretation. i'm trying to finish a chapter in this book and i keep losing my own very short attention span. the book being my life. i figure best way to get past the difficult paragraph is to speed read and find out what happens later.
maybe the next chapter won't be so dramatic. i'm looking forward to it.
a long time ago - can't remember who the teacher was, what year in seminary or anything like that - but i remember the lesson. {it was probably bro casper though. just saying.}
you know those little things in life that simply make your heart want to sing? and never stop? the ones that make you look up and with the man upstairs in mind, you want to just smile forever and never take your eyes off of his beautiful face. those are tender mercies.
at least that's what the teacher called them. today i've had quite a few...in fact recently all in all my life has just been a whole long string of them.
the week before last sunday was a good week in fact i'd say a dang good week. sunday for some reason i was totally depressed and tired, {still recovering from the cold-turkey event of moving i guess} but after taking a nap i was pretty ok. i don't know really remember what happened but after that i was able to at least talk to anyone without being snappy and rude. oh and it was lilly's birthday and my mom had to work, and madison had completely failed the week before to invite me to his brother's farewell...which brittani, miranda and chloe got to go to...like i said: cold turkey. more like humble pie.
anyhow...this week has be rough. i'm not sure if i'm just having a hormone overdose {shouldn't be that - "herman" left almost two weeks ago} or if i've just had way too much time to think, but really - two nights ago i was legitimately sobbing...{after which i decided i can't handle talking to my ex-best friend anymore...hurts too much...too many disappointments} but i think that small hour of letting myself finally cry it all out, all that hurt and frustration {i let myself be a drama queen for an hour yes- you know who you are if you are mad at me for this...i don't even give a...} anyway - that helped me maybe finally close the door. i can say one thing - i have absolutely no expectations of my old friends anymore, what happens - cool, but if my old hopes never come true then i'll just have to roll with it. i'm a happy person and like myself that way and when life makes it hard for me to continue on that way - i gotta change it.
anyhow...so before crying, i listened to mindy gledhill's song "i will rest in you"
which only of course made me cry even harder out on my front porch {i feel so much...better outside. closer to Him maybe}. it was hard to see my stars though, that's one thing i don't like about tears. kinda sucks.
next day...my mom took me shopping, or errand running really. ugh haha but we had a good time together. we got the preparatory papers for my school registration and were just all over the place between AF and Payson...yuck but we got it done. i was also able to stick to my "closed book" motto. no more pouring out {right now is an exception because i'm feeling very 'writey" right now.}
when i got home i put on my red slippers.
i listened to the CD that gabby gave me {i miss you gabby...hope portugal is amazing!} and listened to all my favorite tracks before listening to the new mindy gledhill cd that my mumzy got for us to "share" {i'm the only one who wanted it and the only one who listens to it...haha}
made plans with my mum to go to summer seminary {just you wait...}
the next day...? uh...memory loss, can't remember...oh! i registered for school!! i met this girl named brigdit {sm!le} who had awesome hair and a super awesome personality that i could see. i hope i have some classes with her...{crossing fingers really hard} oh and she had REALLY pretty eyes - like she could rival lacey monson {yah i know right?}
more errand running, not sure what we got. oh yah - ugly pillows that my mom decided she wanted to return today haha.
ok so NOW the good part and really the reason for the name of this post ;P
today i went to summer seminary. scared - i'm kind of a weirdo, psyching myself out like that - but then getting out of the car suddenly i was kind of filled with this feeling of "psh, whatevs - i'm kaylla. these people don't even know what's hit them yet."
wow. amazing lesson to boot. i would write up my notes but honestly...what i learned is that what i'm going through? a trial, yes. my fault? some of it...but not all of it. some of it just was Life...and needed to happen. i mean...madison and i would have broken up eventually {ha, i knew i should have been the one to do it though...hm..oh well. he beat me to it.} {wait! correction - it was mutual, nobody broke up with the other, we did it mutually. sorry. haha - sometimes i forget}
anyway - in the teacher's lesson {he looked like the guy from music man the musical with chenoweth} he used this song:
i talked to the teacher a little bit, after the lesson, and i told him how i was new, my senior year - i'm kind of ...anxious... {i'm not scared though...not really} and he was just super nice. it's always good to know that people really do understand what you are going through {he moved his soph year and his brother's sr year} and it kind of just made me feel...more like "everything is going to be ok kaylla...in fact - maybe even better than before." i sure hope so.
my mom was late to pick me up so i got a drink of water, met a girl named Emily {she said she'll see me next week - and i will be there - already love summer seminary} and dawdled in the bathroom so as not to be awkwardly standing around waiting. came out and talked to more teachers - then listened to music outside while i waited some more.
more errands laters....
took lilly's pictures
painted my nails for the first time in like years... they look really pretty if i say so m'self
had a memory relapse of one of the stake dances with madison and surprised myself by how much it didn't feel like...real...huh. it's funny how memories can feel like that sometimes. i know it happened - and i miss how i felt back then - so happy and infatuated...but i think maybe i'm coming to my sense {haven't stopped missing anyone in particular or stopped loving them, i just maybe don't want to repeat that as much as i thought i did}
anyhow...
then i was bored and was reading meg abel's blog {my favorite blog by the way of all time...read it HERE} and lo and behold - she had the same song on her blog {i went way back on her posts...} as we had listened to in seminary today! so i listened again...and i have to say...it makes me feel very good inside...in fact...if i weren't so dry - i'd cry.
haha so there's my spill. hope it didn't bore you - if it did then shove it, i don't care. i blog. this is what blogging is to me; sometimes my feelings change and whatevvs but i'll probably update you. like if i end up hating anyone? i will let you know (:
lots of love your way
-kaylla
ps - the music were my tender mercies
pss - if you're mentioned in this post and you dont like the way you are portrayed please just chalk it under kaylla's creative license and don't bother me about it - just keep it to yourself, leave the pie in the pie hole...i'm pretty sure i don't want another one of those kinds of talks but i'm just so...over with that life that...it's really just no use making a big deal of it. sorry. i love you. but i've moved on.
and since you've forgotten about me? i will take it that you have moved on too (: {even steven yah? cool.}
the land of the free and the brave. free from what? evil? not really. brave...what are we not afraid of?
sorry, i don't mean to be a pessimist, but honestly...no wait - seriously...what is it that makes america so great? de toqueville said that america was great because it was good...and when we cease to be good, we will cease to be great.
so i ask...are we good?
i look around, i see families torn apart, a country raved by the sickness of nude promiscuity. blatant homosexuality and shameless pride in disrespect. is this really good? has "good" lost it's meaning and become simply "good enough"?
have we, americans, really let it come to this? what a horrible gradual grand descent it has been. when we no longer have to sacrifice for what we have, when we can simply apply for it and make someone else pay for it - we are no longer free, we are the slaves.
republic? democracy? socialism...?.......communism....??? where are we really? and do we honestly want to know if we are no longer the land of the free or brave? I don't think we do - because then we would, and we would change it.
so today is the 4th of july - men are out in foreign countries sacrificing their lives for a dream {trying to give that dream to others, even if i disagree slightly with this whole war stuff whatever} they still sacrifice...while we BBQ and set off fires like stupid teenagers in fields full of weeds {yup - i've seen it...ugh...} after all the fireworks, the food, the junk and everything....have we thought about how our ancestors suffered?
A woman asked Ben Franklin on the street after the signing "what have you given us?" and he responded "a republic madam, if you can keep it" {emphasis added}
i ask - have we kept it?
kaylla
ps - i love the fireworks. it's gotta be my favorite part {aside from thanking the Lord over and over again for a country in which i can still pray to Him}
"all i have are the choices i make, and i choose her, come what may."
i gotta say, this is probably my new favorite movie. it's got a ton of elements, thematic and artistic that i really admire and it just really kind of speaks to me. i'm kind of one of those suckers that believes in fate and destiny, but also choice and will...and this movie shouts out to both. it's about chance and desire, free will overcoming "the plan".
we make so many plans for ourselves too; at least that's what we think. i mean seriously - what if there are people out there making these choices ultimately for us? honestly that sucks. no offense, but i want to live my own life - not someone else's plan for me. even if it means the world ends...life was meant for choice.
{spoiler alert}
i loved how to film ended though - the ultimate message, that we have to fight for that will, the power to live our lives the way we want to - no matter how it ends up; we only deserve that power if we have the gut to fight for it.
it reminded me partly of something that my friend bro. haymond said {and i'm paraphrasing} that with excess liberty comes excess slavery. liberty, choice, decisions - they should all be ours, but given out freely like candy at a parade, we will never respect what we have. we will never fight, reach for more, become better. we will never rise above "the plan". instead we will simply accept what is good enough.
so it kind of makes me wonder, what kinds of plans does God make for all of us? do we follow strict plans and can we actually stray from those plans {personally i think...that God knows every exactly who we are and knows the true feeling of love, thus this story may or may not be possible in His sense}. but it's still an interesting thought process.
oh and i loved the hats idea, very clever indeed. haha
i admire the strength of the character david norris. first he sacrificed his own happiness of being with her for her supposed career, but then he reaches out - with help of course - and strikes out, making his own fate. i admire that.
anyway - it's late...yah...technically it's friday but it'll post as saturday, seeing as it is now 12:01. but yah - pretty sure this is my new favorite movie. i want it for christmas {okay mom?} haha just kidding.
ever taken the time to observe someone for a couple minutes and during that time noticed that something was seriously off about them? something about the way the walked, something about the way they talked, move around, dress, react, smile...did it bother you? annoy you? or did you completely fall in love with them?
has anyone ever told you their real pet peeves? like one of mine...i hate it when people chew loudly, or talk while eating...*shiver...
i've kind of been thinking about them a little bit again. it takes a very long time of looking at someone to see them do something like that, to make it a quirk or a habit that nobody else sees (sometimes not even themselves), so obviously you really only see those things in the people you admire, love, or are forced to be around the most, or when/if you are looking for them. obviously.
just some that i've noticed in other people...
there's this one girl i know who whenever i watched her play basketball on our school team, the way she runs reminds me of a girl that really needs to use the restroom... awkward... *cough.
another gal i love an adore, the moment she gets in her car she turns on her radio (and pretty loud too) and sometimes i wonder if she is doing it because we'll be in the middle of a conversation and then hop in the car and she'll blast the music... and we're still talking.
haha and then this girl i knew really well... she drank all the milk from her breakfast cereal first and then ate the actual cereal last.
there was this boy at my school as well - and i don't know if i've ever seen any other guy do it, but if he was playing soccer (it was never during any other time that i noticed) and he was waiting for the ball to come to him - he'd put his hands on his hips.
ha, i've been told that one of mine is that when i talk to any guys i always sway...i don't really know what they mean by "sway" but i guess i do because they even got my own mother to confirm it.
if you know me, you also know that i walk funny (which is one reason i can partly laugh at the way that other girl runs because i probably look just as awkward as she does). oh and i hate the word cute, well actually i hate it when people call me cute.... unless i'm actually being cute - but if they really mean pretty... ugh. just say pretty - not cute. it's so demeaning. haha
pet peeves.
we were talking about these in a sunday school class once a long long time ago, one person mentioned fingernails on a chalkboard and we all cringed. that's a pet peeve: something that makes you want to cringe or simply slap the causer silly until they stop. repugnating influences upon our sanity.
what's one of yours?
if you don't want to be silly-slapped then don't chew loudly (unintentionally) around me. if someone does it on purpose obviously that's different...but if you're like my mother and have absolutely no soundproofing barriers to protect the listeners from the grinding of your teeth from food...be aware in my presence that i may become very very annoyed. AAAaaaahhhh! one time in a class i had at school this girl started randomly eating lettuce...yah, random i know and if you know me - i also don't have much of a thing for lettuce either.
she started crunching away like no other.
{insert insanity scream here}
it took all the patience inside my cynical blunt sarcastic little body to keep from telling her to stop shoving food in her pie-hole while i was trying to listen to the lesson. i tried giving her those "meaningful" looks too, and you'd think every girl is self-conscious enough to notice that look but no...she keeepppppttttt onnnnnnnn cchhheewwwiinnggg... !!! good thing that that was when the teacher noticed her eating in his classroom because i was about to let loose and be really rude.
saved by the teacher with a good eye. *relieved smile
maybe i'm annoying or i just get annoyed a lot but i have a feeling it's only going to get worse. lilly and my mom often take offense to my honesty... and they are the two people who know me best in this world (although, not by choice).
excuse me if i offended anyone in how blunt i was in this post. i love all these people dearly - duh, otherwise i wouldn't criticize them. yah i know - twisted logic - but really, that's the truth!
talk-to-you-later
kaylla
ps - i really like the no-capital letters idea, i saw it on someone else's blog. what do you think?
Sometimes I'll admit, I don't get sarcasm. But you wouldn't beLIEVE how much I used it today. I was on a roll. Maybe not so great of one, I was annoyed beyond the "p" word and nervous as heck. Lilly says when I'm nervous I get really sarcastic. She doesn't really like it. I do. It's a good in-between sort of area to be. Not too comfortable but not too tense.
We went to what will be our new ward. Wow. I thought down south that they would be like...hicks. That's what people say about Payson at least. I hate it - it's just like Highland and Alpine area. Hardly any of the youth are friendly (except that spare few that already have friends set) which is lame because that means I have to do most of my work actually at the High School...and golly I've never been to one!! I don't even know what normal people do to hangout. Me and my friends? We're oddballs...
So I guess with sarcasm as my shield, we will have to conquer this world of horrible first impressions. If sarcasm could be written very well I'd use it right now, but I don't feel like it anymore. In fact, this post is boring already.
