Observations of Attractions

whenever i see people in the hallway walking really close together {a boy and a girl} i always look at their hands, because a tell-tale sign of boyfriends and girlfriends and all those things is the fact that they hold hands as they walk to and from classes.

i don't know why but these random couples make me feel...sweaty inside. weird description, yes, but if you think about it...you'd understand.

but then in my TA in the Library there is this really big window. Emily and I {she's one of the other TA's} made the connection of it's like a fishbowl, since we can see anyone who walks past and anyone who walks past can also see us. and see very well. they're just kind of a wall of non-tinted windows which sometimes is awkward, but for the most part it's pretty fun.

the other day i saw a boy and a girl. they were talking and laughing together and i swear i've never seen anything more precious. they didn't touch once, but somehow i could tell that they were...very attracted to each other {since love would be presumptuous of me, i avoid the word} and it just made me all silly abs happy inside. maybe high school romances are messy, dramatic and far-fetched but sometimes people can find genuine goodness in them.

and now...for the contrast. walking into the school after Early Morning Seminary i walked through a doorway to another hallway and it was strange; right there on the corner were these two kids just...not groping each other but his arm was ALL the way around her and she was...practically as close as she could get without taking her clothes off kind of deal. it had nothing to do with the fact that they also were like gothic and had extreme colored hair, spiked black and streaky red, whatever...but how intimate they appeared. their intimacy spelled T-R-O-U-B-L-E.

it made me feel sad in a way; because continuing on like that? will not end well for either of them. don't they realize that?

i want to be in love like the first couple. happy to be with them without having to have to touch them. for me, touch is my weakness. i realized that last week when i got cornered a little bit and realized i had given the wrong impression again. {dangit} anyway - touch: my weakness, yes because if a guy touches me, holds me enough, gives me enough tight hugs, puts his arm around me...i know i'll get confused. that is one reason why i won't let one friend put his arm around me as much anymore, because i don't want to get confused and i definitely don't want him to either.

i never want someone to manipulate me again using verbal or physical means. i could care less if that means i stay an old maid, whatever. when someone uses my love language to get what they want, i draw the line.

anyway.

high school is weird.

beware of those boys who want to hold your body more than your trust. the end.

Kaylla.

PS - my reference to having been manipulated again had nothing to do with my jr. year. just a sidenote, no offense should be taken by anyone really unless they know the other stuff, etc.