It's Not Christmas Without You.

i love this artist's voice. i'll never forget the first time my friend kelsey showed her to me {kelsey showed me a lot of my favorite artists now that i think about it...} it was incredible. and i love this song. it's actually my favorite christmas love song. absolutely beautiful. and i see it being very applicable this year...and next year too. oh goodness.

but i am so happy. christmas is wonderful {thanksgiving is still my favorite but oh well}. they are both wonderful.

and i love this snow we're getting. i don't mind the driving part.

this snow reminds me of wonderful snowy walks, learning more about another person than i ever have and loving them all the more for it. i guess it's okay to tell you that i started to really notice that one guy during thanksgiving and fell in love with him by christmas.

i've still to kiss under a mistletoe though. {can you hear me smiling?}

anyway - so there's my winter schpeel. listen to the song, and i hope you enjoy it like i do.

in his eyes...

{i'm pretty sure i have used that as a title before...but moving on...}

but i was remembering last year about this same time, how i went and saw this play put on by PCT. tomorrow i'm going to go see this year's play, Xanadu.

hope it lives up to my expectations...but i have a tiny suspicion it won't...{sorry!}

honestly i could never decide which girl was my favorite. emma is so pure, yet lucy is so deep. love this play. wish i could have seen it more than just that once.

so yup. i'll tell you how Xanadu goes.

soundtrack post mortem.

i wonder if Heavenly Father lets us choose the soundtrack to the movie of our lives that we watch when we've kicked it. and honestly, i know which ones i want. at least a good few.

for suspenseful, thought-provoking moments.



for the mornings that i wake up with a smile.



for the moments when i felt like all was lost, when nothing was quite worth it.



when i go exploring, or starting a new journey/adventure.



for happy peaceful moments, when i feel more in love than i ever thought possible.



when rocking a small child to sleep



for when i walk around campus, happy and healthy without a care in the world



as the day comes to an end. and we say goodnight, wrapped in each other's arms and filled with the never-ending love for one another. and we know, it was worth the wait.


{disregard any movies these are found from. i like the song for many of them and haven't even seen all of these movies.}

hope you enjoy.

bittersweet.

a friend of mine shared this song on facebook. i loved it.



i want my family to be a musical family someday, as it appears that the schmidt family is. is it too much to ask that there be at least one of the piano, guitar and cello?

we can always hope i guess.

afternoon thoughts

last night a song went through my head about the fire on the mountain. there was a fire there once before when i was a child. those were scary memories to relive as i watched. i could see the flames even from as far away as i am.

why am i so afraid?

i go to work for real for the first time in an hour and a half. {thanks to our opening date being pushed back twice and my shift rescheduled almost as often...} but i don't want to go...because i may not be home for his phone call. my heart aches and i wish it were already saturday.

praying because the storm has moved north that he doesn't get rained on.

what kind of dreams does my dog have?

sometimes there are treasures to be found in the freezer...which maybe you weren't meant to find...but are still there and get found...such as cookies'n'cream ice cream. heaven.

i should eat a real meal before i go to work though.

will i finally get fat if i work at a restaurant?

the day-dream that keeps my heart alive right now: someday, maybe...reading out loud during a rainy sunday afternoon. i'm wrapped up in his arms and as we slowly fall asleep from the each other's body heat the words begin to slur and the world is lost to us.

really should be either finishing personal progress or my food handler's permit now...not blogging.


my young woman's leader brought by an extra girl's camp hoodie for me. i love her. and the hoodie.


will i still have nightmares when someday i am married to my best friend?

i love the song "little house" by amanda seyfried. still don't know how to say her last name...

today it rained. it was really beautiful. it rained on this day a year ago too. rather an odd {and wet} coincidence.

fear. it's an odd thing. we can be afraid of so many things but still go on. life always goes on. "time heals all wounds" kind of deal. we just have to trust that that is true and take one day at a time until it all washes away...like the rain.

my desire to write a letter to someone is very strong. anyone want one?

would you rather be paralyzed, blind, or deaf?

what if literal darkness could affect our internal darkness, the parts of ourselves that no one sees. would we then become different people if constantly surrounded by darkness? like jekyll & hyde... could one of them take control?

and what about light?

Boat Song

i showed my best friend this song yesterday. its been one of my favorites for a while. i love this artist too. she's got beautiful tunes. and i haven't heard any sad ones from her...which for some reason makes me really like her. and yesterday was just a sun-shiny day. i loved it.

one sec. here's the song.

this song is what i think love feels like. simple but absolutely true. not selfish, and never deceiving. love is kind and gentle. love is talking for hours with your best friend and never running out of things to say and being loved for all those thoughts and words, especially when no one understood before. love is music and learning to play the guitar. love is going to church every week and realizing that even though you're scared of what that future might bring...you hope in your heart of hearts that someday you'll be that young couple with children all over the place and you still sit next to each other, holding hands.

love isn't meant to make you worried that you're always doing something wrong.

it's there to help you grow and to let you be free...and...happy.

maybe that's why everyone wants to be in love. because God always wanted us to be happy. and the ultimate happiness is found when you want to give your all to only God and him.

i think that maybe...that is love.

i heard someone crying

i saw this play yesterday at the Hale. it was beautiful and wonderful. this is my favorite song. it gives me the chills...for some strange reason. the way they did this part was with these moving doorways and all three are wandering "the halls" but never see or meet each other. it was hauntingly beautiful.

the high soprano, the child's voice and the strong male...it's perfectly balanced and well done. just...beautiful. Thank you Papa Miller for inviting us to come with you and for the tickets. we all loved it so much. i wish i could watch it over and over again. i think i just might become as obsessed with the music as i did with Jekyll & Hyde.

i love musicals. they...they are very rejuvenating. ha, i know, strange word but really. i think it was just what i needed this week.

you should go see it if ever you get the chance.

life is still beautiful

i know my last post was rather dramatic and depressing. but i promise you, that was one post and as of recently, my life has been filled with warm sunny spring days and happiness.

as of recent:

- i started the tedious process of finally getting my license (shocker!)

- there is no longer an odd scent about my room because it is pristine clean

- beautiful curtains were hung in my bedroom (pictures soon anyone?)

- speaking of pictures, my brothers gave me a camera for my birthday. seriously?

- i've started a collection of dizzy squares. i'm almost done though. cough.

- i have held bunny rabits. baby ones. so cute and fluffy! precious.

- played soccer on the most beautiful green grass

- thew grass at my friend and in their holey shirt. silly silly.

- finished the first quarter of my online health class (yay!)

- begun writing in my journal yet again. why did i ever stop? i've missed it.

- listened to wonderful music

- played the guitar

- oh and very, very wonderful... i have slept in!

just a taste of my life recently.

PS. did I mention i'm in love? maybe that's hard to believe because i've always been in love, with life, with people. but believe it or not...i am in love with him. i hope that you will meet him someday. maybe. maybe not. that's okay.

he's my best friend. and the whole world can know it - i love him.

fireflies by amanda falk

this song is beautiful. a song i think of whenever i think of goodbyes i have said, will say and hope never to say.

i found the right one in a pawn shop.

we went guitar hunting.

my mom, my best friend, and i

first we went to a pawn shop

and although it was beat up

and had a fiberglass back

and honestly i didn't think i liked it

i went straight to it.

he tuned it and i listened

we tried multiple guitars in there

and then we left.

we walked over to another store

one with only brand new guitars

but i didn't like any of them.

except maybe one or two

but even then i kept partly wanting

to go back to the old guitar.

my best friend could tell that

the new guitars, weren't right.

so we went back to the pawn shop

and i played the old ovation again.

i knew it was the right guitar.

and so my mom wished me

Happy Birthday...early.

and bought it, and a case.

we drove home and once there

we cleaned it up and wiped it off

and then we tuned it.

and i love her.

she has many scars and a deep crack

but she also has a story to tell, to sing.

she's all mine. and she always will be.

i love my guitar.

What Love Really Means

i may be distracted when i should be writing an essay on the satiric comedy on the victorian society displayed in the importance of being earnest but i couldn't help myself.

{well i guess if you want to be rude...

you would point out about now...

that i really could help myself.

bah. oh well.}

but i found this song over the weekend. and fell in love with it. maybe it's because i love someone like this. and they love me like that too. i love...being in love. in love with my best friend. i am so blessed. truly, i am. i can't think of many people - even married people who have what i have in this simple, and truly beautiful friendship.

so here is the song.

honestly, i could totally schpieel {pronounced: sh-peel} on this song. i have lots of hidden thoughts in all the lyrics, jumping honestly ALL over the place. but i won't because as mentioned...i have an essay to write. due tomorrow. and it is already 6:33, not to mention i have early morning seminary and a boy who constantly invades my thoughts - in other words, distracts me...in the most wonderful sense possible...

what can i say?

i'm in love.

i have fallen in love.

i am perfectly blissfully happy.

life couldn't possibly be better.

you get the gist.

Para-para-paradise

admit it. you wish you were me. and you wish you had had a late night dance under the stars to this song.

or maybe a song of your choice, but it was with the same guy {no maybe not exactly the same guy, because that'd be weird} but he was your image of prince charming. like this boy is to me. my knight. my hero. my friend...best friend.

who knows where the wind will blow us but this i know.

we will always be just that. friends.

saturday night was wonderful. a masquerade dance? not going to lie, it was magical. and the fact that it was stag? even better.

it may have ended on a song that cut like a knife in my chest but he made it all better. he took me far away and we danced under the stars to a new song, we made new memories, we lived in our own moment.

it was paradise.

{should've known.}

blissfully awkward evenings

let's discuss the first part of the day first. january sixth.

well...i was exhausted but a miracle occurred. my extra credit assignment that i thought was due by the end of the day? not due for another week. good thing i didn't stay up till two am doing that one. but because i found out a little late? i got to spend some time studying with a friend in the library. psh, singers v. library...hands down i know i made the right choice.

so after school i got ready for a friend's reception...and when i use the word friend, know that it is quite the loose term. i had never met the bride or groom in any form...other than the internet. no i am not a stalker. yes, i do have stalker-like tendencies; following meg's blog for example. but who cares, i got the invite and if people aren't serious about inviting you to their wedding, then they wouldn't send invites. who cares. i got a hug. it was sweet.

my mom and i walked in and it was beautiful. it looked at first like there might be the hint of a possible dance floor later? but we didn't stay long enough to find out sadly. there was beautiful colors all over and the bride looked absolutely, classically beautiful. i think it's the new thing: short dresses. personally...i see myself wearing an empire-waisted gown with a lace overly but that's just me.

i recognized at least three or so people there. some more or less pleasant, others cordially avoided. funny how small of a world it can be sometimes. funny how uncomfortable that makes me feel sometimes. i felt slightly out of place, so many cutely fashioned young misses but that's okay. i got a hug from my favorite blogger and she appeared to recognize my name {?} or maybe i'm just...pulling my own leg. ha.

we snacked from the chocolate fountain briefly and then smartly disappeared. adventure quest accomplished. too bad brittani and chloe weren't there. they would have made it even more "blissfully awkward". more of the blissful part.

on the drive home i slowly got more and more excited as we got closer home. i was excited to hang out with my friends after the reception is all.

okay maybe that's not all, my best friend was going to be there. no big deal.

so my friend {sweet as he is} picked me up {why are my friends so wonderful? i didn't even have to ask for a ride. really? call me blessed because i am.} and we watched this movie called Oscar. it was an older one and it was Absolutely Hilarious. too bad most of our friends had to leave early but that's okay, one other joined our troops late. better late then never right?

{probably shouldn't have mentioned the french kiss inside joke, a mistake i truly am sorry for. i dislike being a thorn in someone's side. and i know...this will only make sense to one person, but that is fine. that's all it is for.}

it ended on a good note though. i'll just leave it there...except for the one fact...i'm slowly realizing what this song was saying. slowly...because maybe i'm a bit more cautious in love sometimes than i let on.

but every time he walks in a room and i turn and see him, i cannot help but smile. he makes me so blissfully happy. he never pulls me down in any way. he lets me help him too when he's had a rough day. and i love him. always will.

so it was a wonderful night.

and i'm in love with those hugs.

and him.

just sayin'.

{post script} i don't know if they could hear me but while two of my friends were talking outside i was messing around on my other friend's piano. but i couldn't play my most recent song...it was strange.

small and random desires

today i just...want to be

alone?

in a happy way. i promise.

i just feel like going alone to eat some 38cent icecream at stokes.

buying myself a balloon

climbing to the top of a hill and letting it go

and then watch it

till my neck hurts, like an old lady

i know. i was supposed to do that with someone else.

i'm sorry

tomorrow i'll feel the same again.

introvert v. extrovert: i'd rather be alone most days

until i'm with people, and then i never want to leave.

i know. i'm messed up.

what i need is a mudfight

but maybe a random dwarf will show up at my doorstep

with my favorite rubber toy as a child.

it was a bug.

i made it a bed, and it lived on my desk.

and his name was Buggy.

and we lived happily-ever-after

until i lost him.

and then i was sad.

i need to go take a shower.

if i had a license i would go for a drive and find somewhere random

to draw silly pictures.

and read a book in a bookstore that smells of coffee

but i don't...so i can't...so i won't.

have a beautiful day.

mine will be spent reading Lord of the Flies.

{a moment of sadness}

Let Me In

my best friend seth and i love this song. so i thought i'd share it with you. it's from the film Rigoletto, a very beautiful story by the way; seth let me borrow it and i have to say...

i fell in love.

so tell me if you enjoy it...it's a very worthwhile movie to watch. i'll probably post other songs from it sooner than later...because i'm so in love with it right now.

enjoy (:

If You're Not The One

this song is a favorite of mine, and has been for many years. i love how the focus is on having a future with each other...not just the swing of emotions and passions.



sometimes I daydream about memories to come...happiness...

hope you like the song as much as I do.

Not Alone

this song just kind of sang to me today... not really sure why.

hope you like it.

if you ever doubt that anyone in this world loves you...know that first of all, Christ our Redeemer does, and that I do as well. we may have never met but i'm sure if we ever did, i would love you too (:

Happiness is...

anything that is loved by you.

my school did this play when i would have been a sophomore. it's neat because two of my really close friends played snoopy {seth and craig} {it was a double cast}. i was sitting inside the doghouse yesterday, that little place is so neat. i love it. everyone left little notes or their names inside of it, and a couple made mention to this song.

it got me thinking, sometimes life is so hard to just remember to be happy about.

some things that make me happy?

snuggling up close to my mom for warmth early in the morning or late at night

fooling around backstage with my friends

subway sandwiches

looking at beautiful black and white photos

talking to my friend seth

or having a water fight at a drinking fountain

a warm bed and clean room

real photobooth pictures

a blue coat with bright red gloves

christmas sweet breads

pumpkin pie!

holding a baby...

the hug of a close friend

dressing up in costumes for plays

oldies music {most music really...}

beautiful fall colors here in my new hometown

back and shoulder rubs from caring friends

being on stage

singing a beautiful song and being on key

surprising the alto section on how low i can go {low d flat...maybe lower}

my CTR ring

writing in my journal, and reading past entries

stick/post it notes

inspirational quotes, especially from friends

playing and improvising on the piano

2:15

watching science fiction shows with kelsey

long phone calls with kaytlyn, laughing and crying

singing random songs while walking the dog

making apple bread...smelling it...

brown spotted bananas

so many things mean happiness...

happiness, it's loving life. it's the little things in life. it's believing in The Lovely.

Oh Darling

so occasionally i hear new songs...and absolutely fall in love with them.

yah, i know...i'm a sucker for sweet little cute romantic songs. what can i say; it's the just way i am. get used to it. embrace it. breathe it in...

just kidding. i'm just intense and hyper on mac'n'cheese again.

so listen. it will be good for you. you'll get it stuck in your head all day like i did today.

hope you have a great...rest of the week (: I'll try to post again...but i've got a test and a new math class so we'll see. (: hope your life is great!

Beautiful To Him

this song is how i got through the day today. with this going through my head...how could i ever stay in that place where i feel alone and un-needed. because no matter what the world says; His voice is what matters most...and He loves me. I am beautiful...and beautiful in such a way that is more than physical beauty.

like my mom was telling me yesterday; it's like a puzzle. all the pieces are different...some have prettier colors on them, and some are really small. but every single piece is important. without them all, the puzzle is simply cardboard missing a piece. with every piece though, it creates a beauty, a complete picture. i complete the picture.

anyway; here's the song: hope you love as much as i do.

also this one

what do you think?