afternoon thoughts

last night a song went through my head about the fire on the mountain. there was a fire there once before when i was a child. those were scary memories to relive as i watched. i could see the flames even from as far away as i am.

why am i so afraid?

i go to work for real for the first time in an hour and a half. {thanks to our opening date being pushed back twice and my shift rescheduled almost as often...} but i don't want to go...because i may not be home for his phone call. my heart aches and i wish it were already saturday.

praying because the storm has moved north that he doesn't get rained on.

what kind of dreams does my dog have?

sometimes there are treasures to be found in the freezer...which maybe you weren't meant to find...but are still there and get found...such as cookies'n'cream ice cream. heaven.

i should eat a real meal before i go to work though.

will i finally get fat if i work at a restaurant?

the day-dream that keeps my heart alive right now: someday, maybe...reading out loud during a rainy sunday afternoon. i'm wrapped up in his arms and as we slowly fall asleep from the each other's body heat the words begin to slur and the world is lost to us.

really should be either finishing personal progress or my food handler's permit now...not blogging.


my young woman's leader brought by an extra girl's camp hoodie for me. i love her. and the hoodie.


will i still have nightmares when someday i am married to my best friend?

i love the song "little house" by amanda seyfried. still don't know how to say her last name...

today it rained. it was really beautiful. it rained on this day a year ago too. rather an odd {and wet} coincidence.

fear. it's an odd thing. we can be afraid of so many things but still go on. life always goes on. "time heals all wounds" kind of deal. we just have to trust that that is true and take one day at a time until it all washes away...like the rain.

my desire to write a letter to someone is very strong. anyone want one?

would you rather be paralyzed, blind, or deaf?

what if literal darkness could affect our internal darkness, the parts of ourselves that no one sees. would we then become different people if constantly surrounded by darkness? like jekyll & hyde... could one of them take control?

and what about light?

Today We Danced in the Rain.

there i was, walking in the hall. you caught me by surprise. holding the door open and reaching your hand out. i took it. and we danced in the rain. today was beautiful because of you.

sometimes i feel like the tears are only being held back by willpower. sometimes my day starts...less than it could. sometimes your smile makes it that much more worth moving forward.

and then we dance in the rain. i feel the overpowering desire to just hug you sometimes. but i hold back.

but today...we danced in the rain, together.

and all is well.

kaylla.

All About Your Heart

what can i say...most often the music speaks better than i ever could.

sometimes i wish for once that it would rain. then we could dance in it. that's the beauty of this friendship.

our drinking-fountain conversations, our attempts at reading lip across the classroom, our never-ending chatter during lunch...yah, we're pretty good pals.

what can i say? just this...it's beautiful. a most very beautiful friendship.

kaylla.

Books

So here's a random topic for ya, but have you ever thought about how books smell? I really must be a dork because I have certain books that when I'm in a bad mood (or good mood...depends...) I flip their pages and just...breathe them it. My favorites are East by Edith Pattou and the Lord of the Ring series by JRR Tolkien. Old books are usually the best.

I don't really know what they smell so good...and they don't have a word to describe them...other than musty and bookish.

One of my favorite memories as a little kid was lying down in the sunlight pouring through the library window in my old house. It kind of shone under the computer table so I was sort of under that too...I had a habit of crawling up in small places and falling asleep...so I grabbed this book called The Girl, The Dragon and Wild Magic (or something like that) and I fell in love with it. Just sitting there in the sun reading about far away places, magic and a life ten times more exciting about your own and still being planted in reality is so...surreal.

I remember explaining to my brother once why I read only fantasy books (I have since then expanded into other genres but the same reason goes). I told him that reading about the trees, reading about magic, the color, the sounds, just every little thing helped me to notice those things in my own life here in reality. I felt like I was living inside the story and even if I really couldn't, I could feel the wind, hear the music, taste the blood and gore of wars, the bitter and sweet revenges, everything enthralled me. :)

Another book I distinctly remember reading was Goose Girl. I don't want to give any spoilers but the end scene in the throne room just before the battle....ahhhhhh...it gives me HUGE chills - even still to this day just thinking about it :) The mental images sometimes just overwhelm my head: yellow dress, wind on the skin, flashing of swords, fingernails scratching, princes being heroes, geese boys saving the day... :)

Let me just say that is definitely a must read. The second book Enna Burning is just as good.

I remember the very first chapter book I read. I was so proud of myself :) It was The BFG by Roald Dahl. I read it when we drove across like all the U.S. to visit my grandma in NY. I remember to this day the weird drink he drank and the cucumber like food. Poor little girl in a pink dress kidnapped from her bed or something. :)

Oh! And then there was this rainy day that I was bored and I went over to my bookshelf and started reading Secret Garden out loud to myself doing all the accents. That can be SO much fun. Especially with books like To Kill a Mockingbird, where there are Southern accents involved. ANYWAY - back to the story. I was reading about Mary (Secret Garden) and the howling voices in the corridor and I remember creeping myself out and having to have to walk around the house and turn on some lights (being a rainy day the natural lighting was obviously lacking). I curled up on a couch and kept reading though. Probably fell asleep ;) as always.

Then another time, I started reading Eight Cousins out loud to my puppy, Jack. He didn't like it much...he decided to walk away. the mut. :P But I liked the book anyway, even if Jack made me read it out loud to myself like a crazy person.

So now that I'm done rambling randomly about books, I'll call it a night and happy blogging.

Kaylla

Clouds and Rain

I'm sure you've all noticed the considerably wetter weather we've been having. I personally love it. I love rain. I love clouds, and I especially love lightning.

When I was little I was scared to death of lightning. I hated thunder storms and my oldest brother would always try to tell me how magnificent they are.

One night there was lightning and thunder and he sneaked me out of bed and with the red blanket that always sat on our front room couch (still does actually . . . ). Anyway, we sat out under the sky on our front porch watching the lightning and he told me I was perfectly safe. And I was - the lightning couldn't hurt me. I was safe.

Ever since then I've always loved lightning storms.

Rainclouds remind me of pent-up emotions. My brother was talking and mentioned this. . . and I'm afraid I do keep a lot of what I'm feeling inside myself, so my liking rain clouds isn't quite surprising. Oh well though, at least rain clouds can't keep their rain away forever . . . things let go and move on with the wind.

So farewell rain clouds!!!

on a more random note: Office Depot is hiring. Just thought I'd say that - not that it matters. Maybe I should get a job. :)

KAYLLA