It's Not Christmas Without You.

i love this artist's voice. i'll never forget the first time my friend kelsey showed her to me {kelsey showed me a lot of my favorite artists now that i think about it...} it was incredible. and i love this song. it's actually my favorite christmas love song. absolutely beautiful. and i see it being very applicable this year...and next year too. oh goodness.

but i am so happy. christmas is wonderful {thanksgiving is still my favorite but oh well}. they are both wonderful.

and i love this snow we're getting. i don't mind the driving part.

this snow reminds me of wonderful snowy walks, learning more about another person than i ever have and loving them all the more for it. i guess it's okay to tell you that i started to really notice that one guy during thanksgiving and fell in love with him by christmas.

i've still to kiss under a mistletoe though. {can you hear me smiling?}

anyway - so there's my winter schpeel. listen to the song, and i hope you enjoy it like i do.

birthday wishes...?

“If you wouldn’t attend their funeral, don’t wish them a Happy Birthday.”

on my birthday...with all the pointless little-meant well-wishers, i find this quote going through my head. when i wish someone a happy birthday, i make mine meaningful and only post on people's walls whose life is directly important to my own.

just saying.

growing up.

when i was little, i avoided all the cracks in the pavement. i didn't want to hurt my grandma. i would also avoid the rough stuff in between our kitchen tiles.

to this day i still do it. out of habit of course, but i do.

and sometimes i wonder, what will it feel like to be all grown up? to know so much, and to have experienced it all? true love. marriage. children. heartache. death of loved ones. and finally, my own death.

will it be full of events? or will it just...come.

yesterday i turned eighteen. some would say that that is an event. and then others say that when the same day happened to them, they didn't feel any different.

well. i don't feel much different. but i do. suddenly i have this large burden placed on my back. my mom and i have agreed that to be treated as an adult, i must act like one. i must be mature. i must take responsibility. and honestly? i'm excited.

and i'm scared.

for so long, i could say "hey mom! will you make me breakfast?" and i could expect her to say "of course" at her own expense even sometimes. i no longer need my parents permission for anything legally. i could do whatever my heart desired. {i should probably get a job...}

marriage and family is also much closer than it was last year. technically, i could be married and pregnant with my first child within the next two years {definitely not going to happen, but still}. i will be going to college the next semester that i can afford it {hopefully fall semester but if not definitely spring}. i will be moving out within the year as well. i will have to do my own laundry, dishes, bills, bathroom cleaning {no more bribing lilly into cleaning the tub...haha}, making sure my room is pristine.

so much responsibility.

the past made an unexpected reappearance in my life yesterday. i saw an old acquaintance, and it made me really think about how i would react to the people in my life now in two or three years time. will i scream their name and run and give them a hug? or will i awkwardly remain quiet, pretending that they are not there and only giving a brief wave as i part from their presence?

i hope to make better decisions than that.

yet i don't wish to go back into the past and correct anything. although i will live, learning from my own lessons and mistakes. i will love all those around me...but i will be more careful about those who i keep close in my life. i want to live my dream, my dream to help others understand who they are, what they can become, recognizing their potential.

i am eighteen. i'm an adult. i have blue eyes and curly brown hair. i know who i am. i make big mistakes sometimes, and i've had to fix them myself. i play the guitar and the piano. i often crave macaroni and cheese or raisin oatmeal cookies. i find myself in love often, with life and the people around me. i love sunny, hot summer days with slight breezes. i love the ocean and it's chilling needle cold waves which can toss you about.

i love my life. i love who i am.

here's to growing up.

happy day of birth

to the girl who

i learned how to shoot a gun with

taught me how to play "wherever you go" on the piano

and "where are you christmas"

who laughed with me late at night

and scribbled nonsense over a cardboard box at 1 AM

the one who taught me that dancing in the rain was worth the frizzy hair

and that sometimes, we just need to trust each other

the girl who taught me that there is always someone whose got it worse

and what tough love means

she also taught me that we all make mistakes

but we can always make it okay, if we truly mean it.

this girl used to be my best friend. we're still friends...although i haven't seen her in ages. we used to climb trees together and spend hours talking about everything and nothing. and yes, we've had our grand amount of disagreements. but we're okay. she's the girl who took me up onto her roof, and we watched the sunset together. she's the one who told me that i have music...in me, and before that...i'd never really realized that.

we shopped at DI together

and gave out Book of Mormons together

we rode horses and sweated in the heat together

we even cleaned each others rooms

we sang songs together

and became obsessed with spanish opera together

we took long walks in the ghetto of PG together

and ate each other out of house and home

we became addicted to healthy berry cereal together

and watched our favorite movies with each other

we worked at K-Camp together

and counted stars in the ceilings at school together

we read the Book of Mormon in two weeks together

basically...she was like my sister. she was the first girl i was ever allowed to have a sleepover with {although not quite under the circumstances i would have hoped - as most sleepovers don't begin with a visit to the ER and end with falling asleep at 8am...}.

what's beautiful about her is that she never gives up on people. and although sometimes she's wondered if she's the only person that does...she doesn't stop. she stays loyal. she's always been there to lift people up, and when she's made mistakes she has been able to correct them and become better, and stronger.

because she knows just who she is. a daughter of God. and that's incredible. and beautiful. and lovely.

and i wish her the very best birthday. and i hope life only gets better for her. i hope she only knows how much this imperfect heart of mine cares for her. i hope she knows how sorry i am for ever mistreating her. i hope she also knows how much i treasure the good times. i hope she knows that in the end..."all will be well."

i love you brittani bills with no middle name.

i love you very...very much.

have a good one,

love always.

kaylla

{PS - britt, sorry if the picture is old and doesn't look like the gorgeous girl i know...it was the best i had. love you!}

a small collection of love quotes

in the spirit of valentine's day {since the attempt i made to summarize one of my favorite books the 5 love languages is taking a bit too long...} here is a...small taste of my collection of quotes on love and...all that fun stuff. enjoy.

"No matter how ugly you think you are, that special someone that loves you believes you are the most beautiful and irresistible thing on earth and nothing can ever change that." ~unknown

"The best thing about loving and being hurt is that you get to know what true love really is. For as gold is tested in fire, and so will love be perfected in pain." ~Marvin Jay M. Torres

"Death can not stop true love, it can only delay it for a little while." ~from the movie "The Princess Bride"

"True love is a wonder that has no end or beginning." ~unknown

"In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing." ~unknown

"True love is indescribable, yet self-explanatory." ~unknown

"If my love for you were water, it would be as vast as an ocean." ~unknown

"I do, cherish you, from the depths of my soul, it's beyond my control, I've waited so long, to say this to you, if you're asking do I love you this much, I do." ~98 Degrees

"I've loved you all my life. Even before there was you there was the promise of you, and now that we've met, I'll never be the same!" ~unknown

"True love doesn't just fill your heart, it overflows into your whole body and soul." ~unknown

"True love cannot be found where it does not exist, nor can it be denied where it does." ~anonymous

"True love doesn't have a happy ending because true love doesn't end." ~unknown

"When you’re soaring through the air, I’ll be your solid ground. Take every chance you dare, I’ll still be there when you come back down." ~Nickle Creek

"Remember that the truest love, is one where your love for each other is greater than your need for each other." ~unknown

"Last night I looked up at the stars and matched each one with a reason why I love you. I was doing great until I ran out of stars." ~unknown

"True love knows no boundaries. It is the people involved who create them." ~unknown

"True love is worth waiting for even if it takes a lifetime. Then in return a lifetime of love will be waiting for you." ~unknown

"It is a fool who looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart." ~unknown

"It's not found in a book, or even in a movie, if you open your eyes and open your arms you will find me in front of you. Love is bliss, and what makes it even better is that true love ends with a life long friendship." ~unknown

"If you love me, let me know, If you don't, let me go." ~unknown

"Real love isn't blind, It sees, sees everything but loves anyway." ~unknown

"Love is not always convenient, but if it is true love, it will outlast any strain, overcome any obstacle, and grow consistently and exponentially for all eternity." ~Russell Conner

"The foundation of any love story is trust." ~unknown

"True lovers don't say they love each other, they know they do." ~unknown

"An eternity with anyone else would just seem too long, but an eternity spent with you in my arms is just not long enough." ~N. J. H.

"Death cannot kill what is not measured by time. I'll love you forever, and when I die, whatever part of me is left, will love you, far beyond eternity." ~unknown

"I have painted a million of kisses for you.
I have filled an ocean of tears for you.
I have walked a thousand miles for you.
I have counted the stars for you.
I did that, all because I love you."
~unknown

My love for you has no depth, its boundaries are ever expanding. My love and my life with you will be a never ending story." ~unknown

hope you liked these...stay tuned for my summary in parts of my favorite book. i promise, it's worth the read {even if it is long...}

i love you. i'm sure if you are reading this and i don't know you, but i met you later in life i would still love you. i may not always like some people, but i will always love you.

tomorrow, i may have more to say but as for now? have a wonderful happy valentine's day tomorrow.

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.

Maria Robinson

Happy New Year Everyone.

feeling a little green...

a little sickly looking right? but i'll be okay, soon as i take a shower. after all, it was just a costume ;) wanna see?

yup. that's me. i was elphaba. i borrowed a witch hat {because i'm weird and don't have my own} and it was awesome. i haven't dressed up since i was like 13? by the end of the night though i was done being the evil witch. in fact, i'm surprised so many people talked to me normally while i had all that goop on my face and arms. wee! well that was a fun adventure. i might do it again for halloween on monday...but i've heard our area doesn't get many trick-or-treaters {sad day, i know right?} so we'll see what happens.

pumpkin carving soon!

tis the season!

if you live in my house you know this: i listen to christmas music starting the week before halloween. go ahead, hate me. i still love you. and no, this is no excuse for my family's christmas tree to be up until my birthday {march...yah, i know right?}

so maybe i've started my christmas selection a little earlier this year; a whole half a week before the week before all hallows eve....

but that's okay. because we had fall break and even if it didn't snow, it's getting into heavy coats and cute scarves season. which reminds me, i need to find mine.

the colors this year were beautiful. down here in elk ridge the mountains are covered mostly with foliage so instead of ugly brown interspersed by the blessings of a few colors, mostly reds up north, we have splashes of color all across our mountains. at the base you have the brightest oranges and reds you have ever seen then going further up you have the yellows of birches in the valleys and the dark green evergreens at the tops of those valleys and then at the tippy-top of the mountain you have that beautiful fresh snow we got about a week and a half ago. it's beautiful to say the least. excuse my blatant bragging...i'm pretty proud of my mountains. i took this picture.

and then there are the smells. oh, the smell of rotting dead leaves is really...well, sounds horrible but it's smell is divine. go ahead and call me weird but i love it.

christmas is just around the corner. i'm already thinking about what presents to give my friends this year. i've got some great ideas. so many memories waiting to be made. oh and we have plans to go up to Temple Square too, to see the lights. i'm really excited for that one, because that is my favorite place on earth, without a doubt and without even a pause to think. i know. (:

so excuse me if my song list is mostly comprised of christmas songs, but how can i help it? i'm in love with the season. i mean, who doesn't love gingerbread and candy canes? who doesn't love a cold evening with friends singing carols and then ending up at someone's house for hot chocolate and some folk songs on the guitar {one of my favorite christmas memories as a child...}

and then...then there's the real meaning of christmas too. Christ. the celebration of His birth. it's so beautiful, that it almost takes my breath away.

maybe life is just too wonderful and good to be true right now for me, so the happiness of everything else is spilling over into my writing about the small things. anyway, i love you. i hope i've gotten you excited at least a little bit. i hope that as soon as you are done reading this you jump out of your chair {or onto youtube...whichever you prefer} and begin getting those christmas CD's out, blowing last year's dust off of them, and begin the ritual once again of christmas love and joy.

here's to the season, my dear dear friends.

PS! this halloween i'm going to be elphaba from the show wicked. or however you spell it. yes, that's right...i'm going to be green. i'm super excited. pictures will be posted.

BBQ's and Fireworks

the land of the free and the brave. free from what? evil? not really. brave...what are we not afraid of?

sorry, i don't mean to be a pessimist, but honestly...no wait - seriously...what is it that makes america so great? de toqueville said that america was great because it was good...and when we cease to be good, we will cease to be great.

so i ask...are we good?

i look around, i see families torn apart, a country raved by the sickness of nude promiscuity. blatant homosexuality and shameless pride in disrespect. is this really good? has "good" lost it's meaning and become simply "good enough"?

have we, americans, really let it come to this? what a horrible gradual grand descent it has been. when we no longer have to sacrifice for what we have, when we can simply apply for it and make someone else pay for it - we are no longer free, we are the slaves.

republic? democracy? socialism...?.......communism....??? where are we really? and do we honestly want to know if we are no longer the land of the free or brave? I don't think we do - because then we would, and we would change it.

so today is the 4th of july - men are out in foreign countries sacrificing their lives for a dream {trying to give that dream to others, even if i disagree slightly with this whole war stuff whatever} they still sacrifice...while we BBQ and set off fires like stupid teenagers in fields full of weeds {yup - i've seen it...ugh...} after all the fireworks, the food, the junk and everything....have we thought about how our ancestors suffered?

A woman asked Ben Franklin on the street after the signing "what have you given us?" and he responded "a republic madam, if you can keep it" {emphasis added}

i ask - have we kept it?

kaylla

ps - i love the fireworks. it's gotta be my favorite part {aside from thanking the Lord over and over again for a country in which i can still pray to Him}

Halloween.

"Dear Stupid Children,
There is no need to knock that hard. I am not deaf. Just slow to get to the door.
Love,
Madison"

-my cousin's facebook status. I laughed SO hard.

KAYLLA