waiting.

four years and five months. i can wait. i know i can. he's my best friend.

i can see it being really hard. and at those hard times looking at his picture...wherever i may have it with me {not sure how i'm going to do that one but i'll work it out}and thinking of all the love that we share. thinking of how he is truly the best friend i have ever had here on earth. the only person i trust more than him? is the Lord.

someday, i want to wear a white dress and come walking out of those doors. i want to have my bride's maids wearing whatever they can find that's blue and yellow. i want lots of white and peach colored roses and a simple and easy wedding reception.

i want to have small children, clean their sticky hands and teach them all that i know to be true. i want to teach them to discover and to create and to become. i want to be that mother who is kind and gentle and loving.

someday i want to grow old and die. i want to die not a moment before him and as soon as possible after him, so that we are never far apart.

maybe this is...difficult to imagine me saying this. i know i have been changing and fickle before. i know i have said i have fallen in love before. but never has anyone brought out the good in me more than him. never has anyone been worthy to make me feel so happy as i do.

and so? i'm waiting. although without a promise...i am waiting.

and while i am waiting, i'll be living and learning and growing. and loving. always loving him.

always.

dear silly high school mindsets: i hate you.

not gonna lie...i have written a lot of posts recently. you just haven't seen them because i don't have the guts to actually put all my thoughts out there for the world to read anymore. sad, i know. but i don't feel like putting my heart on the line like that. not for now at least, and not to you...{"you" being the few critical people who love to judge me}.

first of all, i'm tired of silly high-school girl conversations. sure, i post a lot about one certain person...but i need to make sure you all know that no, we're not a couple, we're not a thing, i'm not infatuated, i don't have a crush {wow...that word is so elementary aged, seriously people}. all those conversations are getting really annoying after so many years of all the same stupid stuff. i'm almost an adult...and honestly, the way i view relationships are definitely changing in the extremes. and just to make it brief, we are just really really good friends. future and past are rarely under any consideration, we are just having a good time with what time we do have together.

i hope and really think you'll understand. so thanks for refraining from those....immature high school comments and etc. thanks.

on a completely hypocritical note:

i like this song. that's it.

see ya around.

I See the Light

i never told you about friday night...and my date. hm. oh well.

but.

here's this song. i thought of it afterward but haven't listened to it until now. i'm not sure why i waited because it's so beautifully connected. you wouldn't understand not knowing the story, but it was beautiful.

another one of the Lovely Things in life...

i was where i was meant to be on that friday night.

Today, Things are Looking Up.

First: my friend came to early morning seminary. he even ate his eggs raw so he would be there on time. he's one of the most amazing people I've ever met.

Second: the history/political science test I was stressed about was a piece of cake. Thank you Mr. Haymond for drilling those theories and ideas into me so I don't even have to study for this class.

Third: I have friends in Paige and Jess. We altos? yah, we rock. Oh and Joe's hugs are wonderful pick-me-ups.

Fourth: Lunch time was just fun, with my friend's younger brother eating with us it was cool to just see those two bouncing off each other. I like seeing siblings who are friends in and outside of school. Also Libby's attempts to warm up Seth's peach...ha. Oh the lovely things of life (:

Fifth: my apple was so big, it could even have been used to show the size of my brain, that's how big it was. not even joking - please believe me. it was maximus (:

Sixth: in Andrews' class I got the assignment done with plenty of time to spare. that's always nice not having homework.

Seventh: Mr. Bills will find a surprise for him when he gets back to his choir room. I'm excited to hear about that one... (:

Eighth: watching fiddler was extremely enjoyable being surrounded by friends who appreciate all the same things that I do. It's surprising to notice what a difference that makes, that instead of friends teasing your likes and etc., they are agreeing with you. It's a good feeling.

Ninth: I'm going on a date tonight.

Life is always better when you look upward instead of downwards. Yesterday I changed my blog's title in case you didn't notice...{yah, blind much if you didn't notice?} It's from a talk from the last conference. I love it. Yesterday I wrote at least six different posts just about how disappointed I was about the day...but didn't post them. Today...there were downs to it, but it's always just better to focus on those things that will lift rather than drag.

Life is still good. Life is truly beautiful, even in it's hurts and sorrows.

{post script}: I now have sixteen followers! (: my goal of having 20 by the end of the school year is seeming more and more possible each time I see those numbers change (: thank you readers for...ha, reading. it means a lot to me that my thoughts, my words mean something to another person, even if it is just a passing thought.

a-tarantula huntin' we shall go

yes, i was unaware of this too but apparently there are many tarantulas in the elk ridge area. i want to go find one, i've never seen one and i think it'd be a fun thing to do. i was told it'd take a good half hour at least to find one but they're pretty slow so i guess easy enough to catch. my friend told me a story too of how he caught one and it was in it's little cage thing upstairs or something and his mom came downstairs and asked if he'd caught another, why there were two in the cage. curious {because he'd only caught one} he went upstairs to check. It had shed its skin! crazy stuff. anyhow, i just really think that would be fun. and paired with a good ole hike to the Payson "P"...that would be a really fun double date. but that's just...y'know, me thinking out loud here. y'know ;P

love you,

kaylla