interesting

i read a friend's blog this morning...and when they used to post about things, actual events in their life, i would get jealous. because i wasn't there.

today...and recently...i haven't felt that way. i'm not jealous at all. and not gonna lie, it's such a relief. my life now isn't a replacement but to me...for me i guess would be better to say, it is better.

my friends now...i can't think of a single one of them who would ever let me down. and that means the world to me. i miss kaytlyn and kelsey a lot, but phone calls with kaytlyn are a good remedy {although i can't wait for christmas when she comes up to visit us!} and being able to see kelsey occasionally is awesome, like yesterday.

i feel so normal and outgoing these days. i think i found myself in elk ridge. i have never been more myself. ever. and i love it. i don't use people, i am not afraid to take the lead if needs be, and honestly i think it may have something to do with all strings being cut to my old life. i could have changed my whole life around, made a fake identity for myself here even...and no one would have known and the ironic and funny part of it all is that i did, but i threw away the fake me, and became the me that has always been there.

i once told nicole...that there were two kayllas. i don't think i understood even then... i'm so glad to be myself!

i'm so happy for my friend too up in highland, her life is exactly how it should be, full of friends and laughter and no more old kaylla pulling her down all the time. i wish i could have been better but we both made mistakes. i think...we've come to a good place. i'm excited to see their play of Pride & Prejudice...i hope she gets a lead role.

all the new experiences i'm having too...i mean, at AHS i never would have gone to a swim meet or so many plays. i never would have gone exploring around backstage and found my new hideaway place in the snoopy doghouse. i never would have eaten in the vestibule every single day and i'd never have met all the wonderful people i know now. treat day would be a mystery, KJ and her...interesting humor, late night sonic runs for ice cream sundays, movie and halloween parties, so many inside jokes........these people i feel genuinely love me. and the fact that they love the real me...i think they love more of me than anyone ever has. except for maybe a few people back from those past years. but only a spare few.

i'm glad i've changed.

and life is good.

and lovely.

and i'm in love with it.

PS - if you haven't, you should go to a swim meet. they're fun if you know people there and the relays are intense (: it's completely different than soccer though... but still awesome. and congratulations to my friend who cut of 18 seconds on their 500! aw yeeah! (: