Sunday, August 14, 2011

i love, i miss

i love.
the way that amaya smiles at me and makes me feel like i am a definite part of the group. how chad tries to steal my bracelet by holding my hand. how allie talks as if we've been friends for ages. the way i can banter back and forth with collin about music. alicea's laugh. the name charlie and blaming him for everything that goes wrong. craig's amazing leadership skills. sean putting his arm around me like a little sister. the way everyone waves and says goodbye as i'm leaving. how i am not afraid to wear whatever i want, because it's not my clothes that define me but how genuine i am and make others feel around me as well. adrienne's innocent beauty. everyone's obsession with harry potter and "a very potter musical". alex's witty comments. how allie actually wants to go slacklining with me and take me longboarding. the way it's so easy to tease around with charlie, and how in his prediction of my future he didn't skip a beat to make himself my first husband {i think this might be why i heard him called "prince charming"}. megan being just as cool as she is and admitting outright that she doesn't like salad either. when collin shows me piano and rap songs, anything except country. how not one of the boys is disrespectful, and are gentlemen. the fun moments when i don't feel awkward starting a chorus of oohs and ahhs for the salem fireworks. ethan's startling blue eyes and horrible volleyball skills. that rachel is so cute and funny and smart all at the same time. alicea's entire personality that just makes me want to be super happy. being surrounded by so many people who are so real, and actually love everything about each other, nothing fake.

i miss
climbing trees and spontaneous moments with brittani. playing soccer outside afterschool with madison and jongthu. math class with austin. getting teased by michael and trying to have good come-backs...but failing. having a place to belong. sitting late at night in nick's basement singing along to "lips" and fooling around. trips to wal-mart and getting kicked out because of frenchy. nick's korean dancing skills. study halls spent doing anything but studying. ultimate frisbee during history/current events. the happy surprise of him coming up behind me. teaching esteban small bits of ASL. doing my handshake with Drewbee. teasing and mocking davieboy. always texting either brittani or madison. stake dances every other weekend and getting lost in alpine. short walks in the snow, talking about nothing. last dances and broken chances. apple bread for birthdays and too much chocolate for valentine's. long texts with madison about random things like toy story to stuffed animals to piro-maniacs. long drives and talks with my mom. wandering around kohler's. climbing on brittani's roof. playing golf in the wind and rain. watching tangled. being cared about, even when i doubted.

i had lots to say on the fact that my list for "i miss" is a lot shorter than "i love". but i erased it all due to bias. take your own interpretation. i'm trying to finish a chapter in this book and i keep losing my own very short attention span. the book being my life. i figure best way to get past the difficult paragraph is to speed read and find out what happens later.

maybe the next chapter won't be so dramatic. i'm looking forward to it.

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