Monday, August 15, 2011

dear grandma,


it's late at night and i've "borrowed" meg's computer so that i can write this for you. i'm sorry i didn't remember till now that it was your birthday. i wanted to tell you though that i still wear that necklace you gave me at christmas. i still have every single one of your birthday cards, even the ones you struggled to write with your left hand and are barely legible. i still remember how you always made lemon cake for us kids, with the special sugar frosting that was like doughnuts. i still remember sitting by your fire and falling asleep to the sound of burning logs. i remember the red carpet too and how it was too itchy to fall asleep completely on. i remember the waffle cookies in the cookie jar, the pink ones were my favorite but when you were out of them you always had vanilla too. i still remember how you put stickers on the sliding door to keep us from running into it. i still think about your sparkly ceilings and how jordon told me that if i look at them too long, i'd go blind. i remember the hot tub in the back yard and how i never once saw anyone use it, and how much it scared me. i remember how you patched my pajamas while i was off playing with a friend and i thought and elf had stolen them. i remember playing with your toys that were ancient. i started my own collection of dolls too, because of you. i remember how your tv room always scared me because of the big noisy couch. i remember all those goodbye hugs, because we always wanted it to end right. i remember...holding your hand...in the front room, because you didn't want to die in a hospital. i remember watching as you got thinner and weaker and when it got to the point where i no longer prayed for God to save you...but to take away your pain. i remember you squeezing my hand, barely coherent...and knowing that even though i wasn't as talented as rachel, or as pretty as cambric, or witty as madison, you still loved me. you always loved me.

happy birthday grandma. i love you. i will always love you. i wish i could give you a hug right now, just like we always did when saying goodbye. but i know you are watching over me tonight, i think God is letting you be my guardian angel, especially the past two years with mom and dad's divorce and remarriage, and all my petty friend troubles.

can you tell grandpa that i miss him too? i don't remember him as well, but let him know that i still only make paper airplanes the way he taught me too. i still can only ride skateboards on my back-end. tell him i still even remember his laugh. i miss you both.

i love you. happy 80th birthday grandma.

love,
mickey.

P.S. - when i get married in the temple? the handkerchief that you left for me, it's the one i will use. thank you for teaching me to be a hard worker. thank you for my daddy. i'll be thinking of you when i wave that white cloth. and i'll be thinking of you when i name my daughter Inez.

i love you.

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