life is sneaky.

yes. i know it is passed midnight.

but after talking on the phone with a friend tonight it kind of hit me. i'm living the life i never thought i'd see. all my guys basically have their mission calls. my best friend who's a girl is now officially married. i'm an aunt. i'm less than a year away from my own mission {hopefully, fingers crossed}.

it's all just kind of...crazy.

i mean, i could be married in two and a half years. seriously. and a kid in at least four.

what?

that was not in the plan so soon. i wasn't going to get married for another four years. my whole life snuck up on me and i didn't even realize it.

and right now...i'm almost not sure what to do with myself. where did the time go? i have to get my wisdom teeth out soon? no!

honesty, criticism, reality.

i'm a horrible person.

{yay for stupid-me and what-have-i-done-now posts. this is one of those. it will probably be deleted within the next 24 hrs so read while you still can.}

but i am.

and sometimes i just want others to admit it too. but not in an angry way. why can't people have conversations like:

"hi. i'm a horrible person. i enjoyed pulling the legs off of flies when i was little. they were still alive."

and then they answer

"wow. you really are a horrible person."

or maybe:

"well hello. will you please line up for me to break your heart? i won't mean to, but i'm a complete realist and if you don't fit the bill...bzzzp! you'r out."

"well that's just dumb. why would anyone sign up for that?"

honesty never killed anyone. it certainly hasn't killed me yet, and i am a firm believer in giving and taking it.

for example, today my mom told me:

"if you constantly push people away, they're going to come to expect that. and they will never come back. you can't treat people like plastic bags, saving them only for when you need them. that's selfish."

{those weren't her exact words...but rather what i heard. isn't is funny how sometimes our thoughts are much more eloquent? and harsh.}

but i agree.

and if you are one of those people...

i am so sorry.




i will be better.

people watching again. it's an addiction.

so wherever i find myself in life, i have always enjoyed one thing. people watching. whether it be the happy children playing in the leaves or the two teenagers obviously in love but who never seem to look at the right moment.

today i had a golden one. i took their order, a young couple with two little boys under the age of four and one baby in a car seat. they didn't order much, in fact they ordered one of our cheapest things. but they were nice. when their pizza was done at last, i brought their dipping sauces out with the help of one of the other girls bringing out their order.

they were so wonderfully happy. the wife was talking animatedly with her husband and it struck me in one phrase. they were best friends. they looked so simply and wonderfully happy. and maybe nothing was going right for them financially, or maybe they just weren't very hungry. but their happiness of contagious.

i even told one of the other girls i work with to take a peek and she agreed. they were definitely in love and even more so, best friends.

and i'm not entirely sure why that made me so happy, but it did. i want to be married someday like that, to my best friend. and i'm sure, we will only grow in love together. and i am so excited.

the end. so there's my people-watching story of the day for you.

a brother's advice.

my oldest brother is full of wisdom. and when we talk, i feel like he respects me and treats me the age that i am and with the responsibility that i should and try to have. i don't think i would be at my maturity level to the extent that i am, without him.

and today, we went for a walk. and we talked about relationships. and he {like so often before} opened my eyes to something i have overlooked.

and i feel empowered with that knowledge. the knowledge that i can determine my own destiny and where my life will go. and i can breathe so freely right now. and i am full of excitement, although nervous, at what could follow.

sometimes we have to take a leap, a risk and hope that these decisions that we make with our life will turn out for the best. but the Lord trusts us to use the intellect which He gave us. one who has to be commanded in all things is a slothful servant basically.

so i take my destiny into my hands.

we will see what happens. and i hope that i don't learn the hard way that what i want isn't always my best choice. but maybe, maybe it is what will eventually be the best for me. maybe i will grow all the more for reaching out and taking my destiny by the hand and guiding myself.

i can do this.

and i love my brother. i am constantly reminded of why i have always wanted to marry someone like him. and i hope that someday i do, and that he will love me. and i hope that we will be compatible and in love.

and that is all. {smile.}

can we be friends?

i should ask that to a complete stranger. see what they say.

but that would be really, really scary. but right now? i feel like i could do it.

guess i'm in an impossible mood. and considering my mood change...well...hm.

either i'm in love or my hormones are off balance. or both. probably both (:

and the fact that i'm listening to one direction? definitely says i'm in a good mood. i hate them.


oh and my mom, sister and i re-arranged our front room yesterday. it's really open now.

perfect for awkward visitors.

we removed the TV, deciding we didn't want that as the center of our focus anymore.

i didn't realize how addicted i was to it until today when i'm bored it's the natural thing for me to lean toward.

disgusting i know. stop it. i berate myself enough.

and my mom got a piano bench for my piano (: it matches. it's beautiful

oh and did i mention that my best friend got a certain big white envelope yesterday?

to bad he's not in town to open it. ;P haha, sucker.

any guesses?


my mom and i were discussing money today, and more specifically...college.

i'm so excited! if i'm frugal....i can do this.

it's gonna be hard, and i know i'm late but better late than never right?


my life might not be as stuck in the rut as i felt like it was.

maybe i'll be able to travel the world and learn their languages and cultures.

maybe i'll be able to get my own nice camera like Jordon and Lilly.

maybe i'll be able to do all that i ever wanted.

i just need to work hard, pray, love and trust.

with that...what can possibly stand in my way?


and maybe.... i'll have the courage to ask a stranger to be my friend.

In Memory

today my family went to the cemeteries in provo and orem to go visit my grandma. my best friend and i had gone on saturday to pick out the flowers. the day before was rainy and cold. but today? it was perfect, a day like those that my grandma loved.

we cleared the overgrowing grass from around the gravestones and told brief memories that we shared and loved. we walked about and commented on the designs of other graves. one had both a husband and a wife...and they were both still alive! another had a tree on it, that was very beautiful.

it is so peaceful in the cemetery. last tuesday {the 22nd}, seth and i went to the salem cemetery. it was so quiet and dark and peaceful. i hope we didn't disturb anyone there with our talking and occasional laughter. we found a card that had lost its grave. it was simple, but so sweet.

something about graves, the people gone and the people here now and the people someday to come...it's an incredible all-encompassing circle.

one funny moment from today. we were talking about parking the car and that word was stuck in my head, so when i asked where my great-grandparents were i asked "where are they parked?" instead of "where are they burried?" everyone seemed to find it quite humorous.

it made me sad though...i believe i missed my friend's goodbye. he's left today you see. he will be working this summer to pay for his mission up and away north of here. really far north. i miss him already, knowing that he isn't as close as he usually is. but my thoughts are reaching out to him, and i know that sometimes...we'll be thinking about one another at the same time. he is doing the right thing, and that makes everything so much better.

and maybe, someday...

things will turn out the way we hope.

i stood beside my grandpa's memory cross in the orem cemetery as well. i am so grateful for those who have served our country, including him.

without them, i wouldn't have the freedoms that i do have today. and watching the flag go up on the day of my high school graduation...it's incredible. it's beautiful. and i am eternally grateful to those men and women who have sacrificed their lives for it. i hope that i can honor them by being worthy of keeping it.

so happy memorial day. and may God bless you.

a story in pictures: graduation

stories in books are often boring without pictures. and since there's nothing much to tell about this story other than...it happened! i will show you my collages of it and hope you enjoy.

so...ONCE UPON A TIME...

THE END

or is it?

with a teaspoon of love

at dinner one night a young girl asked her mom at the table; "mom, why does everything homemade taste better than pre-made food?"

the mother was beat to the answer when another one of her children, a younger brother quickly answered, "it's because mom adds love as a secret ingredient to everything she makes!"

i love this story...it's a real one too. a friend of mine's family.

makes me want to make a home cooked meal. {smile}

i found the right one in a pawn shop.

we went guitar hunting.

my mom, my best friend, and i

first we went to a pawn shop

and although it was beat up

and had a fiberglass back

and honestly i didn't think i liked it

i went straight to it.

he tuned it and i listened

we tried multiple guitars in there

and then we left.

we walked over to another store

one with only brand new guitars

but i didn't like any of them.

except maybe one or two

but even then i kept partly wanting

to go back to the old guitar.

my best friend could tell that

the new guitars, weren't right.

so we went back to the pawn shop

and i played the old ovation again.

i knew it was the right guitar.

and so my mom wished me

Happy Birthday...early.

and bought it, and a case.

we drove home and once there

we cleaned it up and wiped it off

and then we tuned it.

and i love her.

she has many scars and a deep crack

but she also has a story to tell, to sing.

she's all mine. and she always will be.

i love my guitar.

i'm keeping my mom company while she babysits my niece, Halle, right now. she is usually quite the sweetheart but she has been crying...from basically the second her parents left until now while my mom is putting her to sleep.

but she's still so wonderful, and absolutely beautiful.

today i was sitting on the floor holding her while she was crying, trying to calm her poor frustrated hiccuping little body when something unexpected happened. the glass bowl on the light fixture fell and shattered, not two feet from where i was sitting. i was in complete shock and Halle began crying {if it's even possible} harder. i picked her up and slowly walked away from the danger zone and went to lay her down to brush off any glass.

there wasn't any.

and i think that was a tender mercy. sure it doesn't mean the world is saved and we're all going to heaven {too bad} but we had no glass on us and we were okay.

i mean...what if i'd sat down with her two feet in the other direction?

what if.

i'm so thankful though, the Lord is tenderly blessing me, my friend and Halle tonight. he's answering my prayers and although it's going to be a rough night...it's worth it.

christmas eve.

every year it comes around...it's a day for best friends.

can i tell you about this christmas eve?

would that be strange, seeing as it's already the 26th? i hope it's not strange for you because i'm still so happy. and although old memories assaulted me occasionally, some tender and some...painful; i have made new ones. and they are lovely.

the day began with aaron and megan opening our gifts to them and their gifts to us. because my family is strange and we celebrate everything early this year; thanksgiving and now christmas. it's all good. we're whites. {refrain from racist comments please.} haha

i was...stressed and uneasy to say the least. seth's christmas present was a unique one and i was worried that i would mess it all up.

because i wrote him a song.

maybe someday you will hear it but i find that unlikely. it's his and his alone and even though i will be recording it for him to keep...that's just it. it'll be for him to keep.

so i drove illegally to pick him up and played it for him at the stake center, on their beautiful grand with the yellowed keys. he didn't seem to mind the illegal part. if anything i truly think he was relieved at my driving. if my memory serves correctly, he had just been out driving with his younger brother. despite what you all may recall, i am actually a pretty decent driver.

i messed up. but i played it for him twice through, and...it was the right christmas present. fitting.

later that day he gave his present{s} to me. if it weren't a public blog i might say i'm in love. oopsy! haha. I now have my very own treasure box, pre-filled with treasures and hopefully...soon...one of them will permanently hang on my wall. a picture of Our North Star.

the rest of the day was beautiful. imagine having a baby in the home, to hold and comfort whenever you please. it made me want to be a mother...so badly.

but those years are a ways away. and i can contain my baby hunger. even if it must be five years away {which to me...seems...very far away right now. but maybe that's just it. the Lord is always thinking up new ways to help me be more patient.} i can make it.

and then a very timely phone call. and soon thereafter we had some delightful plans to go caroling with the mason family! oh i was so excited.

and for good reason.

it was a beautiful. singing, the harmonies, the christmas lights. being with seth, laughter. my attempts to escape being whitewashed {which i fear once the next snow falls may be inevitable...eeps!}, watching the small children run around excitedly to every door that they saw, the awkwardness of choosing the next song, difficult and accidental key changes, exciting icy driveways, seeing floating lanterns. seeing how the singing seemed to brighten the smiles of others. oh and i got to meet seth's older brother at last.

it's strange, i don't think i could ever explain the happiness i felt that night. it was one of the closest times i have felt to celestial happiness in my entire lifetime. something about even just being near seth...his family, singing, snow and loveliness...

how could life have ever been any better?

a goodnight hug and the night was concluded, sweetly.

i never forgot though, whose birthday it was. i hope that wherever he is, he finds happiness. but yes, i wish never to see him again. and although some would say that is...a betrayal. but it was different. one person can help a friend while only harming another. although i won't say which was done to me...maybe both, i feel that it would be best...if no contact were ever to be made.

i'm sorry if that hurts him. or her. but i refuse to be manipulated. i refuse to change for another.

and instead of playing his song that day, the one he taught her, but only i remembered...

i played a new one. one of hope. one of peace. one of purity and love.

a song of happiness.

picture that

cleaning my room i found my prom picture from last year. it's just weird, the first memory that came to my mind because of it wasn't even from prom night - but rather a memory from another night after a dance, where instead of smiling i spent it crying on the stairs and wiping away makeup.

it's okay. i didn't like those prom pictures anyway.

strange that such sadness was the only way i could feel real peace.

i'm plannin' on going to the next girl's choice dance {possibly}. i'm excited. definitely won't be as much emotional baggage. after all. it's high school.

let's live it up.

{post script: i just spent the last hour writing this post. i edited a lot out. i know. i'm pathetic.}

the honest-to-goodness-truth.

{post post script: halle, aaron and meg are sleeping over tonight. i'm in baby heaven. i only have to hold her when she's happy. it's the best. not to mention ultimate foosball tournaments with aaron where i......dont...dominate. hm.}

missionarios!

saturday: my phone rang {well...not mine, i was at the nutcracker so i had my mom's cell phone on me} i had to ignore it because i was busy watching my friend and his sister perform. but i called afterward and guess what? they got their calls.

madison has been called to the Malaga, Spain mission. he will be leaving march 28th.

cameron will be leaving the same day and serving in Barcelona, Spain.

it's incredible...

i love these missionary things.

my brother comes home in exactly a week from tomorrow. i'm counting down the day and seriously...i have never been more excited for anything in my entire life. even ask my best friend...i went crazy even over the phone talking about it with him. it's awesome.

i'm kind of scared that jordon won't really...remember me? but then, not because i was closer to him than any of the others before he left. i'm just...nervous. i can hardly wait to squeeze and give him hugs again. i remember missing his hugs so much after he left. now i get to hug him again!

in his letters too he has changed. his testimony is so strong now. it's probably one of the best parts of my week reading his emails home...he has grown into a strong young man of the gospel. i'm excited to write occasional letters to my other friends soon to go on missions too, i hope to see that same change in them as i have seen in my own brother. that would be wonderful.

i also have an acquaintance/friend who will be leaving for his mission tomorrow. it's just an interesting situation...let's just say i'm happy he is going and excited for him to learn some things about life. in an awkward sense...{and i'm not making fun of him in any way, and not using a name for a reason.} {and he may have said it jokingly, but ...still..} he kind of asked me to wait for him, or at least to not get married while he is away. it was...a strange texting conversation and i happened to end it soon following because really? what do i say to that? no i'm not going to wait for you? no i wouldn't not get married because of you? hm. just an awkward situation all around. he's a good boy, and has lots of potential. i'm excited to see what the Lord does with him.

also my dear friend kait leaves the day before my brother Jordon comes home. i have never actually met her...but i would love to go to her farewell. i read her blog...often. hers is my favorite. even more so than meg now. i don't know but in the words of Anne of Green Gables - i kind of feel like she is a kindred spirit. such a love for life and happiness in loving the people all around her...she's incredible. i'm excited for her to serve too...it gives me hope about my desire to serve a mission someday. and although it would be putting certain parts of my life on hold for another five years...instead of three...i truly believe it is worth it.

somehow it has to be worth it.

so good luck kait, and may providence be with you. good luck my friend who leaves tomorrow, congratulations and happiness for madison and cameron and welcome home soon to my very dear brother, jordon.

{post script: all my lady friends who i have in past days tried to convince you that you might marry jordon so that we may be sisters...i do believe he has remained oblivious to that fact. do not, i repeat, do not spill the beans to him that i advertised him. he would be less appreciative. hahaha}

{post post script: the picture is of jordon. he's still short and scrawny from what i can tell from any missionary pictures} (:

sisterly love.

my sister was sitting with me in my bedroom

and we were listening to music.

i love her lots.

that ended.

she started bragging that she gets to babysit my niece

while i am away at school tomorrow.

life stinks.

i hit her.

i feel much better now

{forgive my violence.

i am a jealous creature right now.

although, still smiling}

the end.

Groundbreaking

today I attended the Payson, Utah Temple Groundbreaking ceremony. Well, not in person but I saw it from my stake center. It was a bit warmer that way.

It was beautiful, especially considering some recent conversations about the temple and it being our Northern Star on my mind. It was a beautiful experience. I love the temple, I love those beautiful Houses of the Lord, and I cannot imagine my life without their blessings and beauty.

I woke early and after talking to my mom briefly about my date last night, I went and showered and got ready to leave. My family had decided not to go because they have many things they need to get done today and had viable reasons that sadly were keeping them from it, they wanted to go but couldn't. So my dad dropped me off and I found a spot where it would be least convenient for me, a single seat, would be least missed and least noticed.

At one point I turned around and saw the mother of my date last night, that was neat, because I knew he was there. I love knowing that not only people talk of truth but they live it as well. I feel like their family is a very good example of that. I also looked back again at some point and saw my date, he didn't see me but it was nice anyway.

But, in my heart there was only reason I was there: because this is my temple.

That has some significance to me, seeing as I grew up within the Timpanogos district my entire life, that one I sometimes think should feel more like my temple, but something moved inside of me when I first saw that picture of the Payson Temple, the artist rendering of it at least. And like I said, it is my temple.

The temple is my northern star, it's the guiding light to my ship upon this sea of troubles. And it is beautiful.

This is why I went to the groundbreaking. In two years time when it is completed I will go there and do baptisms. Waiting patiently for my temple to be finished will be difficult because I'm just so excited! But someday, I will return to receive my endowments as well {either before my mission or before I get married, whichever is first} and then I will be sealed there, there in that beautiful holy place.

It was nice too, because afterward my dad came up to me. He had decided to come last minute. He wasn't able to sit by me but he was there. It was kind of funny, I was only able to wave to my date from last night because I thought I needed to hurry and call my dad to come pick me up, but my dad was able to talk to him briefly.

This day is also going in my journal, just like last night.

To be a part of every step in the coming of this temple is also a miraculous blessing. I think of all the people who have helped me get to the temple before, my bishops, my Young Women's leaders, my friends, and it is truly miraculous. And I am thankful.

"My Cup Runneth O'er"

Psalm 23

I am so very, very blessed. I have a friend who I can talk to and who talks to me, and who has very similar views as I do. I have a place to belong; friends who see me for who I really am and people who also see me for as great as I can and will be. I have a Bishop who trusts me and a family who for the most part is very stable now. I have friends who miss me and another friend who is finally {hopefully} finding their way back to Christ. I feel beautiful inside and out and I feel happy. Financially I know I will be okay, even if it is tough. I can help people's days go better by my choices to smile and be a friend and really...? What more could I ask for?

And even if "that one guy" doesn't like me back, I'm still content - because I know that I don't value him primarily for any physical attractions I have, but for who he is. He makes every day so much more worth smiling through, laughing about and not only enduring, but enjoying. Besides...I have to stick to my goal of taking care of my heart this year...remember?

I'm blessed to have had the experiences I have had, good and bad. If I hadn't, I would be who I am and I probably wouldn't be writing this right now, and that seems like a sad thought.

I have so many friends and blessings and...really, I don't know how life could get any better.

{cough...well...maybe if I had an A in AP Statistics...but that will come when I work harder at it...eeks!}

My Lord, my Shepherd truly is watching out for me. It seems like all the blessings promised to me are all just raining...pouring down on me right now. Friends, Family, Church, School, the past...everything seems to be reconciling itself within me. I've never felt so balanced, so in touch with that life and light source inside of me. I feel like the Kaylla that I always had to hide can finally come out. The Kaylla that I told Nicole once about, who couldn't shine. I feel all aglow...

and I feel blessed.

My cup truly runneth over.

Kaylla

Halle Jayne White

we drove our beaten car to bountiful. it was quite the journey, having to stop twice for gas and praying that the engine didn't overheat. yes, quite the adventure. worth it? absolutely.

we arrived shortly after two i believe and we walked into the bountiful hospital. following directions we went up to the second floor and were directed toward the right room and number. opening that door we saw her. oh the beautiful little thing. megan was feeding her so we waited briefly for her to finish. my mom got to hold her and we just spent time holding her, each of us getting a turn.

when it came around for my turn i wasn't sure what to do. i was nervous. i've never held a new-born baby before now...in fact i've rarely held babies at all, being the youngest i just have very limited experience.

it was beautiful.

something about the soft red skin. something about the way she scrunched her entire face together and went purple for a little bit. something about those tiny toes...each one as infinitely beautiful as the other. she was absolutely perfect. with her forest of feather-soft brown hair i just wanted to cry. what a beautiful, magnificent daughter of God...she was beautiful.

for the first time i felt as if i actually thought that something...something was right about holding a baby in my arms. i've never felt that before, in fact i've always wondered if i was one of those women who wasn't meant to have children in this life because kids always seemed to just...cry...around me. i'm kind of like a guy that way - tears scare me.

holding that piece of heaven, as beautiful as a breath of clear music i never wanted to let go of that little bundle of joy. when she sneezed i wanted to just smile forever and ever. when she wriggled around i wanted to hold her closer and closer until she became a part of me.

standing up and rocking her to sleep made me realize that a mother really could love a child, no matter what. something about that totally innocent, completely helpless child cries out for love from every single person who holds them. a child of God fresh from His presence, so pure that they couldn't do any wrong even if they wanted to.

the way she blinked and her eyes were unfocused, the way she moved her tongue around, even her crying was so beautiful!

it was sweet - my dad called while we were there and aaron {my brother} told halle to say "hi" to grandpa. she screamed the loudest at that moment. it was perfect. i think she knew what she was doing.

someday that will be me...someday i'll have a little baby of my own. someday...someday sounds so wonderful. I thank Heavenly Father that i am a girl...and have that potential to be a mother, to nurture His other children. I hope to do as an amazing job as i know megan will do and as my mom and grandmother's have done.

Kaylla

{post script: her name was going to be halle elizabeth but it didn't sound right. jayne is my grandma alberts' name - my mom's mom. it's a family name...it's so wonderful...}

dear grandma,

it's late at night and i've "borrowed" meg's computer so that i can write this for you. i'm sorry i didn't remember till now that it was your birthday. i wanted to tell you though that i still wear that necklace you gave me at christmas. i still have every single one of your birthday cards, even the ones you struggled to write with your left hand and are barely legible. i still remember how you always made lemon cake for us kids, with the special sugar frosting that was like doughnuts. i still remember sitting by your fire and falling asleep to the sound of burning logs. i remember the red carpet too and how it was too itchy to fall asleep completely on. i remember the waffle cookies in the cookie jar, the pink ones were my favorite but when you were out of them you always had vanilla too. i still remember how you put stickers on the sliding door to keep us from running into it. i still think about your sparkly ceilings and how jordon told me that if i look at them too long, i'd go blind. i remember the hot tub in the back yard and how i never once saw anyone use it, and how much it scared me. i remember how you patched my pajamas while i was off playing with a friend and i thought and elf had stolen them. i remember playing with your toys that were ancient. i started my own collection of dolls too, because of you. i remember how your tv room always scared me because of the big noisy couch. i remember all those goodbye hugs, because we always wanted it to end right. i remember...holding your hand...in the front room, because you didn't want to die in a hospital. i remember watching as you got thinner and weaker and when it got to the point where i no longer prayed for God to save you...but to take away your pain. i remember you squeezing my hand, barely coherent...and knowing that even though i wasn't as talented as rachel, or as pretty as cambric, or witty as madison, you still loved me. you always loved me.

happy birthday grandma. i love you. i will always love you. i wish i could give you a hug right now, just like we always did when saying goodbye. but i know you are watching over me tonight, i think God is letting you be my guardian angel, especially the past two years with mom and dad's divorce and remarriage, and all my petty friend troubles.

can you tell grandpa that i miss him too? i don't remember him as well, but let him know that i still only make paper airplanes the way he taught me too. i still can only ride skateboards on my back-end. tell him i still even remember his laugh. i miss you both.

i love you. happy 80th birthday grandma.

love,

mickey.

P.S. - when i get married in the temple? the handkerchief that you left for me, it's the one i will use. thank you for teaching me to be a hard worker. thank you for my daddy. i'll be thinking of you when i wave that white cloth. and i'll be thinking of you when i name my daughter Inez.

i love you.

day five: dear encyclopedia...

and this is what good 'ole mister webster says about the thing the human race calls "love".

love: it's not really something you can pin down with simple words. or complex words either. it's just kind of something you recognize and work for. you don't fall into it {wouldn't that be painful}. it's a choice, subconscious or no. love is sacrifice. love is being faithful. love is action.

love is being able to talk for hours, and never running out of things to say. love is also being comfortable in the silence. love is...being with each other, just because the other person's presence could give you strength. love is holding another person close to you and feeling both of your strengths pulled together into one.

love is that old man on his porch, still cherishing the picture of his beloved wife. love is the young bride who is a constant confidant and always trusting, forgiving and never begrudging of either. love is the young man who wipes away the tears of his girlfriend when her friends say and do hurtful things. love is realizing you couldn't live without that person and chasing after them. love is the family that doesn't have much but still laughs around the dinner table. love is father that sacrifices day and night for his family, pulling three jobs just so his daughters can go to a nice school. love is the mother that teaches you how to work a household and a job at the same time. love is long walks at night, completely content with the other.

love is spoken. love is declared. love cannot and should not be hidden. love is unselfish.

fornication is not love. adultery is not love either. homosexuality is not love. coercion is not love. manipulation is not love. infatuation is not love.

Christ has love. so i guess if you always follow what He does, you're on the right track.

that's what love is.

kaylla.

day three: the parental units

papi and mothership met because my aunt and my mom were best friends. mom was going to college up at BYU-Idaho and aunt val invited mom down to her fiance/boyfriend's house for thanksgiving since mom's family was back east. my mom met my dad, who was aunt val's fiance/boyfriend's younger brother. yah...i know...confusing; at least it is unless you know them.

they wrote letters. dad drove up there to see mom. mom came down to visit. they really liked each other. i guess you could say i should believe in long distance relationships because my own parents had one. dad proposed under a tree on BYU campus. it started to rain.

married in the provo temple in the fall they began their life; another long journey, together.

they had cameron, aaron, jordon, lilly and me: kaylla. they lived in new york with cameron and aaron and then moved to midvale near heber, then american fork where lilly and i were born. they built their first home together in highland utah. i remember those as the happiest years of my life.

they moved their family again to another part of highland because they thought the neighborhood wasn't so great anymore and they needed room for when grandma albert came to live with them, at least that's what they thought. she didn't. she still lives in new york to this day.

there they lived for nine long years, struggled through two missionaries and three teenagers. problems arose and they got divorced. january 27th, 2010.

on may 3rd, three or four months later they were remarried. the problems solved, they realized they couldn't live without one another. they called those months apart their wakeup call. these following months of living in a townhome in american fork {after being split up mom moved to a place she could support us girls - with jordon gone on his mission}. with the family back together the yellow townhome was too small. and dad didn't have his garden anymore. so they decided to look around to maybe move again. everything fell into place, it was meant to be.

they've moved to elk ridge, utah and now are determined to set down roots. they're happier than ever.

dad is a mechanic, a goof-ball and an outdoorsman. he rarely makes it through a movie without falling asleep and hasn't changed his hairstyle since high school. he's as skinny as a stick but as brawny as an ox. he has smile wrinkles because he rarely frowns {although when he does, his lips get white which is kind of scary}

mom used to be a teacher. she homeschooled the three younger ones and worked a sense of wisdom into the two older ones. she isn't afraid of anything. she's usually the first one i talk to about anything, no matter whether i want to tell her or not. she's got one of the strongest testimonies i have ever seen/heard. she's always encouraged us to reach after our dreams. she's been a perfect mother - even if she never made our lunches for school or payed for sports.

dad and mom both always taught us one thing: hard work will get you further than anything else. hard work always will make up for natural talent. all you need is a desire to reach for something, hard work and determination to finish and it will be yours.

my parents were the perfect parents for me. for my siblings too. our family is more like a social group of friends when we get together...the exact way a family should feel i think. we can tease and be sarcastic and pull "dad jokes" or tease mom for her messing up cliches like "shoot to stones with one bird". my parents taught us that we're having "food, good food." for dinner.

i love my parents because they have always loved me.

sometimes it's been rough, sometimes i've hated them, but in the end - they're just what parents should be. thank you heavenly father. i am truly thankful.