It's Not Christmas Without You.

i love this artist's voice. i'll never forget the first time my friend kelsey showed her to me {kelsey showed me a lot of my favorite artists now that i think about it...} it was incredible. and i love this song. it's actually my favorite christmas love song. absolutely beautiful. and i see it being very applicable this year...and next year too. oh goodness.

but i am so happy. christmas is wonderful {thanksgiving is still my favorite but oh well}. they are both wonderful.

and i love this snow we're getting. i don't mind the driving part.

this snow reminds me of wonderful snowy walks, learning more about another person than i ever have and loving them all the more for it. i guess it's okay to tell you that i started to really notice that one guy during thanksgiving and fell in love with him by christmas.

i've still to kiss under a mistletoe though. {can you hear me smiling?}

anyway - so there's my winter schpeel. listen to the song, and i hope you enjoy it like i do.

of bridal showers and motorcycle rides

today was a wonderful day.

i drove on the freeway completely confident, went to one of my best friends' bridal shower, then came home {listening to EFY music just so you know} and not even five minutes after getting home from that, my best friend with the motorcycle shows up!

we talked and then he gave me a ride up and around my neighborhood. i loved the feel of the wind on my arms and the feeling that the only thing keeping me from flying away were my own arms holding on tightly around his waist. i loved it when he called me a "bobble-head" because his helmet is a bit too large and heavy for my own head. i love his hair after it's worn that helmet and it's all flattened and soft looking. and i love him.

and even if that is the only good that i have today, it will have been an absolutely wonderful day. i am lucky to have so many good people in my life. i hope they all know how truly blessed i feel.

happy birthday to him

a year ago i was feeling really lonely. and then, i was hugged for the first time in months by a new friend. and it changed my life.

that boy is now my best friend. we've had a lot of adventures together. we've laughed at the simple things and talked through the difficult ones. we've made to-do lists and crossed things off. he taught me to play guitar and i showed him what it meant to simply hang out. snowy walks and sunset hikes, children's books and classic movies...

i've never been happier than when i am with him.

and today is his birthday. and i really wish i could be there to see his face when he finds his birthday present. and i have never been happier and felt so good about a gift. and i know he will like it. and i know...that i love him.

there's that moment in life when you have to think about the hard things in the future, but since i have met him, the future has only been bright. there are so many things that will be so hard i know i might cry, but i know that it will be worth it.

i've learned so much from him. i know the future, like a baby rose, will only unfold into something even more perfect.

happy birthday seth.

not a fling.

"When you can't stop thinking about someone when they're not around, that's not a fling. When you remember their touch, just like they were still right next to you, that's not a fling....we both know what we have."

-Sullivan {Bones}

people watching again. it's an addiction.

so wherever i find myself in life, i have always enjoyed one thing. people watching. whether it be the happy children playing in the leaves or the two teenagers obviously in love but who never seem to look at the right moment.

today i had a golden one. i took their order, a young couple with two little boys under the age of four and one baby in a car seat. they didn't order much, in fact they ordered one of our cheapest things. but they were nice. when their pizza was done at last, i brought their dipping sauces out with the help of one of the other girls bringing out their order.

they were so wonderfully happy. the wife was talking animatedly with her husband and it struck me in one phrase. they were best friends. they looked so simply and wonderfully happy. and maybe nothing was going right for them financially, or maybe they just weren't very hungry. but their happiness of contagious.

i even told one of the other girls i work with to take a peek and she agreed. they were definitely in love and even more so, best friends.

and i'm not entirely sure why that made me so happy, but it did. i want to be married someday like that, to my best friend. and i'm sure, we will only grow in love together. and i am so excited.

the end. so there's my people-watching story of the day for you.

she's gettin' hitched!

one of my best friends is now engaged. slightly unexpected, yes. even now i'm not entirely sure how to react although i am very happy for the both of them.

secretly i hope she asks me to be one of her brides maids. that would be lovely. and i know that once the shock wears off, you will easily find me bouncing off the walls like the aunts in "my big fat greek wedding". no joke.

but secretly i regret that i have not already served my mission and could go inside the temple with her. i think i shall regret this more than anything. you don't really realize what you are missing when your own siblings are getting married but now...

then when i really get down and think about it again, i am super excited! life is just plowing on ahead and yes, it will take us by surprise sometimes but it is all just so wonderful. i can hardly wait to see her in her wedding dress on that day. to watch her as she starts her family and her married life {just as long as she doesn't forget her single friends!}, and all of life's events now coming at her. yes, i'm so excited. it is proof that life is simply full of wonderful surprises.

although...it's really weird to realize that she is only three months older than me. makes me wonder...

who's next? surely not...me?

but just like i know that this special young lady would never marry just anyone, neither would i. so if i do find myself marrying sooner than i could expect in my five year plan, then so be it. besides, i think it will be fun some day when all my friends and i are married and we sit around on someone's back porch and talk about how wonderfully happy we truly have become.

so yeah, gettin' hitched doesn't sound too bad! {kidding mom! you don't need to worry about me anytime soon}

a brother's advice.

my oldest brother is full of wisdom. and when we talk, i feel like he respects me and treats me the age that i am and with the responsibility that i should and try to have. i don't think i would be at my maturity level to the extent that i am, without him.

and today, we went for a walk. and we talked about relationships. and he {like so often before} opened my eyes to something i have overlooked.

and i feel empowered with that knowledge. the knowledge that i can determine my own destiny and where my life will go. and i can breathe so freely right now. and i am full of excitement, although nervous, at what could follow.

sometimes we have to take a leap, a risk and hope that these decisions that we make with our life will turn out for the best. but the Lord trusts us to use the intellect which He gave us. one who has to be commanded in all things is a slothful servant basically.

so i take my destiny into my hands.

we will see what happens. and i hope that i don't learn the hard way that what i want isn't always my best choice. but maybe, maybe it is what will eventually be the best for me. maybe i will grow all the more for reaching out and taking my destiny by the hand and guiding myself.

i can do this.

and i love my brother. i am constantly reminded of why i have always wanted to marry someone like him. and i hope that someday i do, and that he will love me. and i hope that we will be compatible and in love.

and that is all. {smile.}

i'm in love with old films.

i've found myself singing songs from old movies, re-watching scenes via youtube, all that fun stuff and i realized...i really love these kinds of movies. you don't have to worry if there's going to be an innapropriate scene, the acting is just as superb and even though there are no special effects...they used masterful techniques to create realistic scenarios. i've commented before that movies these days have way too many special effects and that the plot lines suffer from it horribly.

as children these movies were the ones that brought those beautiful fantasies into our imaginations. why have we stopped watching them and replaced them with so much listless, action-packed, inappropriate for youth, junk?

let's face it...there is no such thing as the Avengers or Harry Potter or any of those other high quality film characters in real life. but how many times has a love been challenged by disabilities, distance and time?

An Affair to Remember



young girls always dream of those dances, finding that one man who will love and cherish her. it's the classic Cinderella story...with a twist. we all want a twist in our story, at least i know that i've wanted it.

Slipper and the Rose



and a classic, historical romance. there is nothing better than a love created by passion and resolved by love in the face of war and betrayal, blood and pain. have you never wanted to find that the one who rescued you was also the one who you have loved all along?

The Scarlet Pimpernel



these kinds of movies show that mankind has something deeper within themselves, that people can trust one another, love one another, that there are people out there who aren't hopeless. how could a world be hopeless with these kinds of movies available?

i know that i love them, and probably always will...and will have them in my collection of family movies once i am married.

hope you enjoy.

{smile}

"i've been trying to decide all week whether or not to paint my toe nails red."

he just smiled at me and chuckled.

i'm not sure if he found it funny because of the color choice

or if it was because of how long it was taking me to make the decision.

it's those quirky little things that we love about each other i guess.

life is simple and beautiful.

oh and by the way. i painted them red today.

we'll see if i like it tomorrow.

{smile.}

Boat Song

i showed my best friend this song yesterday. its been one of my favorites for a while. i love this artist too. she's got beautiful tunes. and i haven't heard any sad ones from her...which for some reason makes me really like her. and yesterday was just a sun-shiny day. i loved it.

one sec. here's the song.

this song is what i think love feels like. simple but absolutely true. not selfish, and never deceiving. love is kind and gentle. love is talking for hours with your best friend and never running out of things to say and being loved for all those thoughts and words, especially when no one understood before. love is music and learning to play the guitar. love is going to church every week and realizing that even though you're scared of what that future might bring...you hope in your heart of hearts that someday you'll be that young couple with children all over the place and you still sit next to each other, holding hands.

love isn't meant to make you worried that you're always doing something wrong.

it's there to help you grow and to let you be free...and...happy.

maybe that's why everyone wants to be in love. because God always wanted us to be happy. and the ultimate happiness is found when you want to give your all to only God and him.

i think that maybe...that is love.

To...My Valentine,

Very Special Thoughts of You My Darling

All are written deep within my heart,

Love we know and share now and forever,

Endlessly, although we are apart,

Never shall the golden cord be broken,

Time but makes it stronger, sweeter yet,

Intermingling memories to treasure,

Nestled where my heart can ne'er forget,

Eternally my soul is bound to thine,

     My Love is Yours Forever, Valentine.

Love, Sylpha

{by Sylpha J. Farley}

hold my hand.

sometimes...there are moments in our life that make everything just, collide. everything in the universe just comes together in that one brief moment

and you're happy.

so happy that it's just....joyous. you feel the love for that person just overcoming you. you want to hold them and never let go. they are your best friend and you theirs and your wants and desires no longer matter because honestly...they are all in hoping and serving and helping their hopes and dreams come true, and it's beautiful because they feel the same way too...

and all you did...?

was finally hold his hand.

a surprise with a ride

that's my best friend for you.

yup, he would. he would come riding up on his motorcycle after making me think he'd already left. he came, just to say goodbye to me...like he said he would. like i thought he wouldn't be able to.

the silly...silly boy.

and that?

that is why i love him.

well, (: not just that.

In Memory

today my family went to the cemeteries in provo and orem to go visit my grandma. my best friend and i had gone on saturday to pick out the flowers. the day before was rainy and cold. but today? it was perfect, a day like those that my grandma loved.

we cleared the overgrowing grass from around the gravestones and told brief memories that we shared and loved. we walked about and commented on the designs of other graves. one had both a husband and a wife...and they were both still alive! another had a tree on it, that was very beautiful.

it is so peaceful in the cemetery. last tuesday {the 22nd}, seth and i went to the salem cemetery. it was so quiet and dark and peaceful. i hope we didn't disturb anyone there with our talking and occasional laughter. we found a card that had lost its grave. it was simple, but so sweet.

something about graves, the people gone and the people here now and the people someday to come...it's an incredible all-encompassing circle.

one funny moment from today. we were talking about parking the car and that word was stuck in my head, so when i asked where my great-grandparents were i asked "where are they parked?" instead of "where are they burried?" everyone seemed to find it quite humorous.

it made me sad though...i believe i missed my friend's goodbye. he's left today you see. he will be working this summer to pay for his mission up and away north of here. really far north. i miss him already, knowing that he isn't as close as he usually is. but my thoughts are reaching out to him, and i know that sometimes...we'll be thinking about one another at the same time. he is doing the right thing, and that makes everything so much better.

and maybe, someday...

things will turn out the way we hope.

i stood beside my grandpa's memory cross in the orem cemetery as well. i am so grateful for those who have served our country, including him.

without them, i wouldn't have the freedoms that i do have today. and watching the flag go up on the day of my high school graduation...it's incredible. it's beautiful. and i am eternally grateful to those men and women who have sacrificed their lives for it. i hope that i can honor them by being worthy of keeping it.

so happy memorial day. and may God bless you.

a story in pictures: graduation

stories in books are often boring without pictures. and since there's nothing much to tell about this story other than...it happened! i will show you my collages of it and hope you enjoy.

so...ONCE UPON A TIME...

THE END

or is it?

waiting.

four years and five months. i can wait. i know i can. he's my best friend.

i can see it being really hard. and at those hard times looking at his picture...wherever i may have it with me {not sure how i'm going to do that one but i'll work it out}and thinking of all the love that we share. thinking of how he is truly the best friend i have ever had here on earth. the only person i trust more than him? is the Lord.

someday, i want to wear a white dress and come walking out of those doors. i want to have my bride's maids wearing whatever they can find that's blue and yellow. i want lots of white and peach colored roses and a simple and easy wedding reception.

i want to have small children, clean their sticky hands and teach them all that i know to be true. i want to teach them to discover and to create and to become. i want to be that mother who is kind and gentle and loving.

someday i want to grow old and die. i want to die not a moment before him and as soon as possible after him, so that we are never far apart.

maybe this is...difficult to imagine me saying this. i know i have been changing and fickle before. i know i have said i have fallen in love before. but never has anyone brought out the good in me more than him. never has anyone been worthy to make me feel so happy as i do.

and so? i'm waiting. although without a promise...i am waiting.

and while i am waiting, i'll be living and learning and growing. and loving. always loving him.

always.

life is still beautiful

i know my last post was rather dramatic and depressing. but i promise you, that was one post and as of recently, my life has been filled with warm sunny spring days and happiness.

as of recent:

- i started the tedious process of finally getting my license (shocker!)

- there is no longer an odd scent about my room because it is pristine clean

- beautiful curtains were hung in my bedroom (pictures soon anyone?)

- speaking of pictures, my brothers gave me a camera for my birthday. seriously?

- i've started a collection of dizzy squares. i'm almost done though. cough.

- i have held bunny rabits. baby ones. so cute and fluffy! precious.

- played soccer on the most beautiful green grass

- thew grass at my friend and in their holey shirt. silly silly.

- finished the first quarter of my online health class (yay!)

- begun writing in my journal yet again. why did i ever stop? i've missed it.

- listened to wonderful music

- played the guitar

- oh and very, very wonderful... i have slept in!

just a taste of my life recently.

PS. did I mention i'm in love? maybe that's hard to believe because i've always been in love, with life, with people. but believe it or not...i am in love with him. i hope that you will meet him someday. maybe. maybe not. that's okay.

he's my best friend. and the whole world can know it - i love him.

positive attitudes

yes. it's basically midnight.

no. i'm not done packing.

but my mom just said something...that made me smile. and i honestly don't know what i'd do without her positive attitude sometimes.

she told me, with how fast this year has gone, two years will go just as fast. i corrected her, telling her that it wasn't two years, it's five.

then she said: "no, it's not. it's only four and a half now."

i love her.

and four and a half years? compared with eternity? i can do this. we can do this.

PS - going on choir tour tomorrow...that's why i'm up so late packing. should have packed yesterday. yah, i know. but guess what? i get to see the ocean.

but i'm going to miss my family and my best friend.

but i'll be home soon.

love you,

always.

my love

don't forget me, my love

i'll always be here,

don't leave me, my love

our paths are quite clear

these arms are yours my love

do not fear

hold me and never let go, my love

if i could, i would my dear

my love, my love, my love...

will you be my love?

forever?

attraction and love.

a simple truth i have learned recently.

“Attraction is not love…But love begins with attraction.”