happy birthday to him

a year ago i was feeling really lonely. and then, i was hugged for the first time in months by a new friend. and it changed my life.

that boy is now my best friend. we've had a lot of adventures together. we've laughed at the simple things and talked through the difficult ones. we've made to-do lists and crossed things off. he taught me to play guitar and i showed him what it meant to simply hang out. snowy walks and sunset hikes, children's books and classic movies...

i've never been happier than when i am with him.

and today is his birthday. and i really wish i could be there to see his face when he finds his birthday present. and i have never been happier and felt so good about a gift. and i know he will like it. and i know...that i love him.

there's that moment in life when you have to think about the hard things in the future, but since i have met him, the future has only been bright. there are so many things that will be so hard i know i might cry, but i know that it will be worth it.

i've learned so much from him. i know the future, like a baby rose, will only unfold into something even more perfect.

happy birthday seth.

she's gettin' hitched!

one of my best friends is now engaged. slightly unexpected, yes. even now i'm not entirely sure how to react although i am very happy for the both of them.

secretly i hope she asks me to be one of her brides maids. that would be lovely. and i know that once the shock wears off, you will easily find me bouncing off the walls like the aunts in "my big fat greek wedding". no joke.

but secretly i regret that i have not already served my mission and could go inside the temple with her. i think i shall regret this more than anything. you don't really realize what you are missing when your own siblings are getting married but now...

then when i really get down and think about it again, i am super excited! life is just plowing on ahead and yes, it will take us by surprise sometimes but it is all just so wonderful. i can hardly wait to see her in her wedding dress on that day. to watch her as she starts her family and her married life {just as long as she doesn't forget her single friends!}, and all of life's events now coming at her. yes, i'm so excited. it is proof that life is simply full of wonderful surprises.

although...it's really weird to realize that she is only three months older than me. makes me wonder...

who's next? surely not...me?

but just like i know that this special young lady would never marry just anyone, neither would i. so if i do find myself marrying sooner than i could expect in my five year plan, then so be it. besides, i think it will be fun some day when all my friends and i are married and we sit around on someone's back porch and talk about how wonderfully happy we truly have become.

so yeah, gettin' hitched doesn't sound too bad! {kidding mom! you don't need to worry about me anytime soon}

new journal

i'm about three or five pages away from finishing my journal. so today i went to wal-mart and bought another one. i had a really hard time deciding whether to get one or not because the only plain one there was black. i don't really care for blacks or grays or whites.

but i got it. i consoled my purchase with the thought that it had black stripes as a pattern on the inside of the cover. i really do love stripes.

and so now? i have a new journal and two college ruled notebooks to write my missionary letters in. because yes, i plan on doing that too. regularly. well, regularly for at least one missionary.

and because i guess i have so many opinions and hard questions that people really never like to face...it's good for me to have a journal. i have noticed that i will sometimes take my hard words out on others {those they apply to} if i don't write them down somewhere else. in other words - i really need to keep a journal.

most people don't like my honesty.

so here's to a new journal. a black one, with stripes. may i have many adventures to fill it with and keep my many criticisms to myself. may the good friends i have made and will make find themselves honestly represented in it's pages and may i make many enemies for standing what is truth and right.

let the fun begin.

i heard someone crying

i saw this play yesterday at the Hale. it was beautiful and wonderful. this is my favorite song. it gives me the chills...for some strange reason. the way they did this part was with these moving doorways and all three are wandering "the halls" but never see or meet each other. it was hauntingly beautiful.

the high soprano, the child's voice and the strong male...it's perfectly balanced and well done. just...beautiful. Thank you Papa Miller for inviting us to come with you and for the tickets. we all loved it so much. i wish i could watch it over and over again. i think i just might become as obsessed with the music as i did with Jekyll & Hyde.

i love musicals. they...they are very rejuvenating. ha, i know, strange word but really. i think it was just what i needed this week.

you should go see it if ever you get the chance.

hold my hand.

sometimes...there are moments in our life that make everything just, collide. everything in the universe just comes together in that one brief moment

and you're happy.

so happy that it's just....joyous. you feel the love for that person just overcoming you. you want to hold them and never let go. they are your best friend and you theirs and your wants and desires no longer matter because honestly...they are all in hoping and serving and helping their hopes and dreams come true, and it's beautiful because they feel the same way too...

and all you did...?

was finally hold his hand.

a surprise with a ride

that's my best friend for you.

yup, he would. he would come riding up on his motorcycle after making me think he'd already left. he came, just to say goodbye to me...like he said he would. like i thought he wouldn't be able to.

the silly...silly boy.

and that?

that is why i love him.

well, (: not just that.

a story in pictures: graduation

stories in books are often boring without pictures. and since there's nothing much to tell about this story other than...it happened! i will show you my collages of it and hope you enjoy.

so...ONCE UPON A TIME...

THE END

or is it?

Opening Night!

...was yesterday.

sorry I didn't announce it. This play has been rather hard for me though, and tedious, and exhausting so please do excuse the forgetfulness. However, my sister did video some of the songs and you can watch a couple here if you'd like to once i'm able to upload them. {cough, she wasn't supposed to...so i'm not posting these on facebook...just in case i get in trouble. cough}

so you should come. it's pretty funny if you don't think about it.

it's call The Drowsy Chaperone, and it is a musical within a comedy. and in the end the main character goes insane as the characters from his favorite record come alive and start actually singing to him. kind of odd and all around very random. and the songs are pretty catchy if i do say so myself...because they constantly get stuck in my head and i have to get them out with broadway's little mermaid or tangled.

so that's that. i hope you come and i hope you enjoy the show!

birthday wishes...?

“If you wouldn’t attend their funeral, don’t wish them a Happy Birthday.”

on my birthday...with all the pointless little-meant well-wishers, i find this quote going through my head. when i wish someone a happy birthday, i make mine meaningful and only post on people's walls whose life is directly important to my own.

just saying.

growing up.

when i was little, i avoided all the cracks in the pavement. i didn't want to hurt my grandma. i would also avoid the rough stuff in between our kitchen tiles.

to this day i still do it. out of habit of course, but i do.

and sometimes i wonder, what will it feel like to be all grown up? to know so much, and to have experienced it all? true love. marriage. children. heartache. death of loved ones. and finally, my own death.

will it be full of events? or will it just...come.

yesterday i turned eighteen. some would say that that is an event. and then others say that when the same day happened to them, they didn't feel any different.

well. i don't feel much different. but i do. suddenly i have this large burden placed on my back. my mom and i have agreed that to be treated as an adult, i must act like one. i must be mature. i must take responsibility. and honestly? i'm excited.

and i'm scared.

for so long, i could say "hey mom! will you make me breakfast?" and i could expect her to say "of course" at her own expense even sometimes. i no longer need my parents permission for anything legally. i could do whatever my heart desired. {i should probably get a job...}

marriage and family is also much closer than it was last year. technically, i could be married and pregnant with my first child within the next two years {definitely not going to happen, but still}. i will be going to college the next semester that i can afford it {hopefully fall semester but if not definitely spring}. i will be moving out within the year as well. i will have to do my own laundry, dishes, bills, bathroom cleaning {no more bribing lilly into cleaning the tub...haha}, making sure my room is pristine.

so much responsibility.

the past made an unexpected reappearance in my life yesterday. i saw an old acquaintance, and it made me really think about how i would react to the people in my life now in two or three years time. will i scream their name and run and give them a hug? or will i awkwardly remain quiet, pretending that they are not there and only giving a brief wave as i part from their presence?

i hope to make better decisions than that.

yet i don't wish to go back into the past and correct anything. although i will live, learning from my own lessons and mistakes. i will love all those around me...but i will be more careful about those who i keep close in my life. i want to live my dream, my dream to help others understand who they are, what they can become, recognizing their potential.

i am eighteen. i'm an adult. i have blue eyes and curly brown hair. i know who i am. i make big mistakes sometimes, and i've had to fix them myself. i play the guitar and the piano. i often crave macaroni and cheese or raisin oatmeal cookies. i find myself in love often, with life and the people around me. i love sunny, hot summer days with slight breezes. i love the ocean and it's chilling needle cold waves which can toss you about.

i love my life. i love who i am.

here's to growing up.

i found the right one in a pawn shop.

we went guitar hunting.

my mom, my best friend, and i

first we went to a pawn shop

and although it was beat up

and had a fiberglass back

and honestly i didn't think i liked it

i went straight to it.

he tuned it and i listened

we tried multiple guitars in there

and then we left.

we walked over to another store

one with only brand new guitars

but i didn't like any of them.

except maybe one or two

but even then i kept partly wanting

to go back to the old guitar.

my best friend could tell that

the new guitars, weren't right.

so we went back to the pawn shop

and i played the old ovation again.

i knew it was the right guitar.

and so my mom wished me

Happy Birthday...early.

and bought it, and a case.

we drove home and once there

we cleaned it up and wiped it off

and then we tuned it.

and i love her.

she has many scars and a deep crack

but she also has a story to tell, to sing.

she's all mine. and she always will be.

i love my guitar.

hiking, pictures and best friends.

me and my best friend.

we went for a hike.

it's okay that we're both making...odd faces.

it's just life.

and it is wonderful.

because i'm proud of him.

you know that boy that i'm always talking about? yah that one.

yes. the one that stole my heart.

it's okay. i said he could.

anyway.

well he's an incredible swimmer. in fact, he's going to state.

i went to our region's swim meet on the 20th and 21st.

he placed first with a time of 22.74 sec on the 50 free (pic 1)

placing second in the 100 free (but i forgot the time...he was like...miliseconds after the first guy though. video (: mute it. my voice is uhm...loud. he's in lane 4 (the one that's ahead the whole time till the last...moment.)

and then the relay. 49.97 100 free relay split.

yes i know. he's incredible.

what i love most about swim as a sport - especially at SHHS - is that the focus is beating your own record, not that of those you are competing against. i like it that way. a lot.

oh and please...no one comment on the lack of shirts. yes, i'm well aware of this fact. it is a swim meet after all

it was an exciting new experience. i love learning new things about different sports and going places i honestly never would have expected to go. after all i don't even know how to swim myself. but that's okay. someone incredible is going to teach me how...when we have time.

honestly. i've never been happier. in my entire life. or more content.

life is just good.

thanks for reading my brag on my best friend. he deserves a major fist pump.

and if you want, come watch the state competition feb 3rd and 4th at BYU

i for one am definitely going to be there. at least for three certain events.

see you there!

blissfully awkward evenings

let's discuss the first part of the day first. january sixth.

well...i was exhausted but a miracle occurred. my extra credit assignment that i thought was due by the end of the day? not due for another week. good thing i didn't stay up till two am doing that one. but because i found out a little late? i got to spend some time studying with a friend in the library. psh, singers v. library...hands down i know i made the right choice.

so after school i got ready for a friend's reception...and when i use the word friend, know that it is quite the loose term. i had never met the bride or groom in any form...other than the internet. no i am not a stalker. yes, i do have stalker-like tendencies; following meg's blog for example. but who cares, i got the invite and if people aren't serious about inviting you to their wedding, then they wouldn't send invites. who cares. i got a hug. it was sweet.

my mom and i walked in and it was beautiful. it looked at first like there might be the hint of a possible dance floor later? but we didn't stay long enough to find out sadly. there was beautiful colors all over and the bride looked absolutely, classically beautiful. i think it's the new thing: short dresses. personally...i see myself wearing an empire-waisted gown with a lace overly but that's just me.

i recognized at least three or so people there. some more or less pleasant, others cordially avoided. funny how small of a world it can be sometimes. funny how uncomfortable that makes me feel sometimes. i felt slightly out of place, so many cutely fashioned young misses but that's okay. i got a hug from my favorite blogger and she appeared to recognize my name {?} or maybe i'm just...pulling my own leg. ha.

we snacked from the chocolate fountain briefly and then smartly disappeared. adventure quest accomplished. too bad brittani and chloe weren't there. they would have made it even more "blissfully awkward". more of the blissful part.

on the drive home i slowly got more and more excited as we got closer home. i was excited to hang out with my friends after the reception is all.

okay maybe that's not all, my best friend was going to be there. no big deal.

so my friend {sweet as he is} picked me up {why are my friends so wonderful? i didn't even have to ask for a ride. really? call me blessed because i am.} and we watched this movie called Oscar. it was an older one and it was Absolutely Hilarious. too bad most of our friends had to leave early but that's okay, one other joined our troops late. better late then never right?

{probably shouldn't have mentioned the french kiss inside joke, a mistake i truly am sorry for. i dislike being a thorn in someone's side. and i know...this will only make sense to one person, but that is fine. that's all it is for.}

it ended on a good note though. i'll just leave it there...except for the one fact...i'm slowly realizing what this song was saying. slowly...because maybe i'm a bit more cautious in love sometimes than i let on.

but every time he walks in a room and i turn and see him, i cannot help but smile. he makes me so blissfully happy. he never pulls me down in any way. he lets me help him too when he's had a rough day. and i love him. always will.

so it was a wonderful night.

and i'm in love with those hugs.

and him.

just sayin'.

{post script} i don't know if they could hear me but while two of my friends were talking outside i was messing around on my other friend's piano. but i couldn't play my most recent song...it was strange.