Halle Jayne White

we drove our beaten car to bountiful. it was quite the journey, having to stop twice for gas and praying that the engine didn't overheat. yes, quite the adventure. worth it? absolutely.

we arrived shortly after two i believe and we walked into the bountiful hospital. following directions we went up to the second floor and were directed toward the right room and number. opening that door we saw her. oh the beautiful little thing. megan was feeding her so we waited briefly for her to finish. my mom got to hold her and we just spent time holding her, each of us getting a turn.

when it came around for my turn i wasn't sure what to do. i was nervous. i've never held a new-born baby before now...in fact i've rarely held babies at all, being the youngest i just have very limited experience.

it was beautiful.

something about the soft red skin. something about the way she scrunched her entire face together and went purple for a little bit. something about those tiny toes...each one as infinitely beautiful as the other. she was absolutely perfect. with her forest of feather-soft brown hair i just wanted to cry. what a beautiful, magnificent daughter of God...she was beautiful.

for the first time i felt as if i actually thought that something...something was right about holding a baby in my arms. i've never felt that before, in fact i've always wondered if i was one of those women who wasn't meant to have children in this life because kids always seemed to just...cry...around me. i'm kind of like a guy that way - tears scare me.

holding that piece of heaven, as beautiful as a breath of clear music i never wanted to let go of that little bundle of joy. when she sneezed i wanted to just smile forever and ever. when she wriggled around i wanted to hold her closer and closer until she became a part of me.

standing up and rocking her to sleep made me realize that a mother really could love a child, no matter what. something about that totally innocent, completely helpless child cries out for love from every single person who holds them. a child of God fresh from His presence, so pure that they couldn't do any wrong even if they wanted to.

the way she blinked and her eyes were unfocused, the way she moved her tongue around, even her crying was so beautiful!

it was sweet - my dad called while we were there and aaron {my brother} told halle to say "hi" to grandpa. she screamed the loudest at that moment. it was perfect. i think she knew what she was doing.

someday that will be me...someday i'll have a little baby of my own. someday...someday sounds so wonderful. I thank Heavenly Father that i am a girl...and have that potential to be a mother, to nurture His other children. I hope to do as an amazing job as i know megan will do and as my mom and grandmother's have done.

Kaylla

{post script: her name was going to be halle elizabeth but it didn't sound right. jayne is my grandma alberts' name - my mom's mom. it's a family name...it's so wonderful...}

Anything and everything

So I went babysitting today - twice actually. I keep wondering what I'll be like as a mother. Two things I know for sure. My children are gonna know their music and dancing skills early in life. :) I've heard that mom's that sing and read stories to their kids in the womb actually tend to be more musically oriented and like to read. I'm gonna try it and I'm going to dance with my children as soon as possible without shaking up their brains. :)

I was dancing with my little friend Ella (I've decided that I'm going to name one of my daughters Elle - along with Amber Marie, Lillie-Inez, Joelle (pronounced zsho-Ell), Victoria and Virginia (for twins . . .) . . . I'm going to need a lot of daughters :D or they'll ALL have long names . . . ANYWAY - I was dancing with Ella and we just had such a great time! She's such an adorable little girl. I wish I had a little sister just like her.

Some of my favorite little boy names are all old names :) but not the common old ones. :) Like I LOVE William, and David and Richard, Martin - but then I also kind of want to name some of my sons after my brothers by using Cameron, Lee (Jordon's middle name) and Michael. So I think I'm set - not to mention my husband of course will have a say and will probably veto some names and I'll pout until I get at least a deal of 50-50 and I get to name my kids partly weird names :)

I'm going to have so much fun being a mom and a wife: they're gonna love me so much (sarcasm) (though I hope they do).

I also like the name Charlie :) maybe short for Charles - but Charles is a bit much for me. It's like going Fitzwilliam when just William will do perfectly well. ;)

I love the disney film Beauty and the Beast.

If you look close enough at what people talk about without knowing what they're talking about you'll see that there are similarities. Just like I love the bright color yellow ;) and how I suddenly just love using my locker whereas last year I really kind of just . . . didn't like lockers. :)

But then I say I love the song (unashamedly) "When there was you and me" from HSM - by Vanessa what's her face :) and I confuse even myself . . .

I have a new (extra) goal this year - but it will remain unwritten (another song . . .) haha until I have either succeeded or completely failed. :) We'll just refer to this new goal as goal number locks and secrets. :)

Oh and I finally have the money to buy the pieces of my uniform I've been in want of. My Friday skirt got a lovely comment the other day. I know - just in case you're wondering that I have a great lovely stain on my backside, courtesy of a rusty washermachine. I'm beginning to think also that the yellow shirts are very nice and also the vests. So those are top of my list. :) I'm probably overly concerned with my appearance but I have to let myself be girly in some way. I'm not a normal girl in other ways (I hate makeup - except the effects I suppose, I hate caring what I look like, I hate nail polish and nail related items, I do not spend longer than necessary on my wardrobe - I know what looks good on me and what does not, and I hate to shop) I was talking to a galfriend - love her to death but I just couldn't relate when we were talking about appearance and stuff - I complimented her and she complimented me and she told me how she does it because she enjoys doing it - I told her I do minimal makeup with maximum effort and pain. There must be an addictive ingredient in makeup because once you've gotten into the habit - you can only stop with the strongest will power . . .

Anyway - so she's a pretty normal girl for the world. I just couldn't relate but I guess some of us are just meant to stick out like sore thumbs. Being my own kind of beautiful is fine for me. I'm comfortable where I am and if I go out of my comfort zone (appearance wize) then it wont last for long. Believe you me.

How'd I get on this subject?

Well it's not talking about boys so I'm good. Not sure about the worthwhile content though ;)

How about this . . . I add a good quote?

QUOTE:

"Be believing, be happy, don't get discouraged.

Things will work out." - Gordon B. Hinckley

you've heard of this great man of course. One of my heroes. :) I miss him so much . . .

So now it's worthwhile.

Lots of love!!!

Kaylla