honesty, criticism, reality.

i'm a horrible person.

{yay for stupid-me and what-have-i-done-now posts. this is one of those. it will probably be deleted within the next 24 hrs so read while you still can.}

but i am.

and sometimes i just want others to admit it too. but not in an angry way. why can't people have conversations like:

"hi. i'm a horrible person. i enjoyed pulling the legs off of flies when i was little. they were still alive."

and then they answer

"wow. you really are a horrible person."

or maybe:

"well hello. will you please line up for me to break your heart? i won't mean to, but i'm a complete realist and if you don't fit the bill...bzzzp! you'r out."

"well that's just dumb. why would anyone sign up for that?"

honesty never killed anyone. it certainly hasn't killed me yet, and i am a firm believer in giving and taking it.

for example, today my mom told me:

"if you constantly push people away, they're going to come to expect that. and they will never come back. you can't treat people like plastic bags, saving them only for when you need them. that's selfish."

{those weren't her exact words...but rather what i heard. isn't is funny how sometimes our thoughts are much more eloquent? and harsh.}

but i agree.

and if you are one of those people...

i am so sorry.




i will be better.

the horse and her master.

sometimes the world is just pounding on us,

like a barge against a door, trying to break it

attempt after attempt are there only to try and break us down.

sometimes we're just not strong enough and we break.

but sometimes once a horse is truly broken in by it's master,

that is when it can run as if it were flying.

we're all wild horses, we all want to break over the fence.

we all see the grass and how it beckons to us from the other side

and we all have a master, who kindly protects us, even when we don't understand

and then trains us so that we can understand that the most important thing?

is trust.