Lies, Liars and...Lawnmowers.

Sometimes (especially recently) I feel like I can't trust a word anyone says except for a spare few, most of whom are either in my family or I have known for a very, very long time and have no reason to lie to me. One person said this, this person denies it, this person saw this, she said that....it's all a bunch of junk and I'm so confused that I just want to dump them all in a huge garbage can and laugh when the garbage man comes and they go screaming into a waste heap. Most of the thems and theys that are liars are girls. As usual...

I wish I could just really trust everyone. But I've seen them lie about other things, why would they tell the truth? It's funny - I think that most of the lies that people tell me they think honestly would be for my best, so as not to hurt me or so that I don't react and etc. But they don't realize that the other people they tell? Have other allegiances and will tell me or the person they are hiding/lying about and then guess what!! The secret and the truth is OUT.

Maybe they are doing it for my good - and in the end it will be for my good, in some twisted (veryyyy twisted) way. Because then I know who they really are...and can know that I can never trust them again. I trust some people more than others...but then I just am so tired of trusting people that I throw them in with the whole lot of them. I'm too lazy to sort out through them all.

(I'm sad...I just tore a whole in my favorite shirt...sorry...random...)

Anyway - back to liars. It's just really hard to trust people after being confused, because so many lies have been told at this point...or at least that's how it feels because of all the conflicting stories from people I used to trust. Someone has to be right...but Who???

Do I trust the people I've trusted for years and years or do I believe that they have now honestly changed on me and so instead I should trust the friends who I haven't known for quite so long. Everything everyone says is different.

How did everything go from being so good and fine, to this disaster?

I'm so SICK OF THE DRAMA!!! Seriously. THIS? is pathetic. I'm sick of petty little girl drama, I like-him-can't-let-him-know-so-I'm-going-to-lie-about-everything-to-everyone shiz and/or I-like-her-for-the-physical-and-nothing-else-so-I'm-going-to-dump-her-and-start-kissing-all-her-friends pizazz...and then other friends just telling me that none of them are who they say they are and just give up on them. I'm so tired of the drama that I seriously wanted to swear at them all. I wanted to punch one in the face, tear another's hair out, and sob in the other's arms.

Being a girl is hard. I should just mow them all over with a lawn-mower. At least then they couldn't bother me. Haha...mental image of just ramming into big card-board cut-outs of people who have been stupid recently. It's a funny picture.

My friend called me Saturday night because she had to tell me some things, that apparently other people are saying, and just a whole new level of confusion...and at first I was crying and saying I hate certain people and I just hope they burn in Hell and all that stuff...but then...still crying and still hurt, I realized I could never hate that person. I wouldn't trust them with my heart like that again - but I still loved them (crazy! I know!) ugh...I can't help but love these people. I hate them so much for hurting me, because that's just not fair and right - but then...I will always feel like they are my brother, someone I would talk to...or my sister...who I will never talk to (haha).

Drammmmaaaaaaa....I'm still not sure if I want to go to high school when we move down south still - because I really just want to skip out on the drama; but my friend Amy told me that there is drama in college too. And honestly - the kind of drama you have, depends on your kinds of friends.

SOMEday, everything WILL work out. I'm sure of it. Just not now, and not today. Today - I am going to the Library and reading and hopefully forgetting about this crazy world and situation. I'm tired of the lies...I hope and am willing to give them chances to explain themselves...if that's what they want - but whether I believe them or not? We'll see.

Kaylla

PS - I really miss my friend Nick. He was a great pal, and now he's going back to Korea...I'm going to miss that tall asian man. He gave me a really good hug yesterday when I drove by to say one last goodbye. He's my pal...for life :)

oh and Esteban too - gosh...I got more teary-eyed when I said bye to Nick than Esteban, but I'll miss him too. They were good guys. Not dead haha - sorry if I'm making it sound that way - but seriously. I'll miss them both a LOT.


Annnnd Here's a song to go along with the topic.