emotion. it's a confusing idea. the fact that a feeling can go coursing around inside of you and you can decide to be either completely in control of it or completely...not.
i thought i chose to be in control. i lost control. then i lost interest. then i gained it again. then i got distracted. then i lost interest. yah, am i confusing anyone else yet? the fact that i know this is a public blog prevents me from going into...THAT detail, but the fact that i owe the few readers that i have an amazingly boring update on my life, this is it.
HOMECOMING: was amazing. charlie picked me up after i spent an hour and a half figuring out how to do my own hair since curling it didn't work. he gave me a beautiful corsage. we went to craig's house where his sister made a delicious meal where i actually ate the salad and enjoyed it (: {for my closest of friends, this is a big deal because you all know i've never been fond of salad greens...} and then we talked. our entertainment was rachel and landon. they really were hilarious. collin didn't tighten his tie all the way and charlie was a complete gentleman and opened and closed all my doors, etc. my dress looked pretty and i loved the flowy-ish skirt. it was lavender {try explaining the difference of lavender and purple to a boy...hm...it's a fun one, trust me.} also, my date has eyeliner girls...i was worried too. just kidding, it was only a joke. and he really didn't crash his car into the dollar store (:
then we {or the girls...really...} had a bathroom break, all of us talked about The Game in the living room and then we left for the dance. when we got there we took pictures {which i hope i'll be able to post when i get them}, then we went and danced - charlie danced every single slow song with me, even though i told him he could dance it with the girl he wanted to ask to homecoming...he's a gentleman that way. i'm thankful for it (: oh and i saw seth there with his date too, although other than that i didn't see many people outside of our group that i recognized. i saw Allie too though, and Paige from a distance.
Seth makes a new vest that matches his date's dress {or his mom makes it, not sure} every time there is a formal dance. i think that is so neat (: he's kind of one of those people who i feel safe around no matter what, i don't worry about what he'll think of me; sometimes i wonder with the others...and sometimes i really don't care. moving on..
then after the dance we went singing to our cars and headed to landon's sister and brother-in-law's house where we played Outburst Remix, girls against boys and it was really really fun. then charlie and craig dropped craig's date off, then me - and charlie gave me a hug. then it was done. it was brilliant fun (: and it makes me think, maybe i do want to ask a boy on one of the girl's choice dances but who knows...who knows...
and now for the awkward story...
the other day, it was friday in fact, i was early ish to AP Stats and so was this other guy. he and i kind of flirt, we have this hug we do and it's really funny. but he kind of started acting strange. he kind of looks at me during class sometimes, and then on friday when we were both early he and i were in the back of the room near the calendar and we were pushing our hands against each others and he kind of got me up against the wall almost. before i felt like i could be in a really awkward situation i broke up the contact and walked away, but something just felt strange after that. i like his hugs, a LOT...but is it worth me having to have to question what's going on in his head? i mean...i don't think of him like that at all...anyway.
and then there's that one friend who always makes me smile...who always makes me wonder what in the world i'm saying because i feel like i could just...float away in those brown eyes... and then i remember madison and i realize that i can't let myself fall for anyone because not only would that ruin both friendships but it would also get very dangerous what with all the other girls who i know have a soft spot for the horrible little flirt.
but let's just say, the fact that he'll walk me to my class occasionally, the fact that he likes talking to me as much as i do to him, the fact that i could wear as tall of heels as i could please and still be shorter than him...the fact that we both have birthmarks on our right wrists, the strong arms that lift me up off the ground after lunch sometimes, the simplicity he gives into his appearance, the fact we can have 2 hr long conversations about everything from politics to motorcycles, his strong laugh...and the fact that he can sing...? and how he likes older movies...and how today i saw him walk my my classroom door twice and caught him looking at me...maybe...
of course i could always be completely wrong and i'm flattering myself but...you know.
and if i weren't completely set on not having any kind of attachments this year, i might have fallen for him. might have. but y'know, i wont.
