Cross Country & the Dance

Shall I say that one of the most humbling experiences in my life so far was trying to run six miles in an hour? ha. HA! Because it was.

It was interesting. I joined the team for two reasons one being the physical benefits, the other to remain unnamed but let's just say it has the name of a boy involved. I know - I'm pathetic. Probably the most pathetic wimpy girl with a cruel sense of humor that you'll ever read about.

So I was running . . . jogging . . . still jogging . . . and I did pretty well for probably a mile. Then I heard the three boys behind me catching up to me. I have this thing about being beat by boys - it's the competitive side of me I guess you could say - and I tried to bring my jog up in speed - I was tiring out faster. A certain guy who most certainly must remain unnamed kind of started to pull ahead of his friends to catch up to me - I glanced back and then sprinted forward and tried to keep the pace but then all three took ahead of me - and I gave up (I knew I couldn't sprint 6 miles - ha!) but the clincher of what kind of hurt was that two (including the one that most specifically should remain unnamed!) looked back and grinned at me. One of the two (gladly not the specific one) ;) seemed as if he were almost sneering at me and the other one in friendly competition. Ha like I'll ever be competition.

That bugs me when guys not only think they're better but ARE better. Totally unfair. BUT that gives me a GREAT physical goal. I'm going to keep running until I can AT LEAST keep up with those boys and then AT MOST - keep up with Drew and David. That would be awesome.

This morning though I woke up and I'm not even joking - I couldn't lift my legs. I finally was able to but it hurt like the DICKENS!!! My muscles are still screeching in loving and tender pain.

Perfect timing for the dance that night too. I was so exhausted.

When I went to the dance I felt like I was half asleep. I felt a little out of it. I was way more outgoing than I usually am. I jumped up and down just as enthusiastically as everyone else - I got some of the quiet people to dance too and I was sweating too - which of course means I was getting an extra workout (like I needed it after the 5 miles I did earlier that day!)

What was horrible though was that my outgoingness just wasn't enough to get me to even say Hi to the specific person. I was RIGHT next to him. We were even brushing hands briefly and everything was the perfect time . . .

Except for I'm a wuss.

BUT That's all going to change.

No more being scared of slow dances. No more acting like I don't know the people that I do know. I'm going to actually be myself wherEVER I am.

Good Goal eh? I think so too.

More about the Dance though. There was awesome music, okayish food, lots of dancing, lots of people to watch, tons of laughs, spins and twirls, bops and hops, lots of glances toward a certain figure . . .

Last night I dreamt of only the dance and what could have happened last night. My mind went crazy with my silly decision of non-action. Everything good happens in my dreams. When will I have the courage to make my dreams reality? And should I?

I love my life and I love everyone around me and I love myself the way I am. But how do I make all of them work together!? This is the year. I know it!

Like it's expressed in Fiddler on the Roof - things can only get better for me right?

I LOVE YOU!!!! So now Good Night.

Kaylla

PS- I really wish I had a facebook account . . . just two more years . . . :)

PPS - I just reread this post and I'm too lazy to go and actually fix the problem but above when I was talking about my little competition with those boys in cross country - I don't know how it sounded to anyone else but I really have no hard feelings for any of them. In fact I see it as rather humorous ;)