Let's just say days are worse when they start out amazing and full of happiness and end bad instead of when they start out bad and end up being good. That was yesterday...today should not have been the way it was.
I'm reminded of one of my favorite lines from a movie I saw recently with my sister, A Cinderella Story with Hilary Duff. The Austen Ames dude tells her about how he feels like "I'm surrounded by people but always alone". And it's not that I'm not grateful for my friends, I honestly couldn't ask for better but sometimes I wonder if we really are on the same page. If they were in my head and I were in theirs, what are our real thoughts? Are they secretly annoyed with you? Do they really want to hit you behind that smile? Do they see the fake smile and laugh at their jokes when you forgot to keep listening? Are they really listening, do they really truly care deep down what you are thinking about?
It just leads me to think about who people really are. Another movie line (unknown movie though) comes to mind. The guy asks what something depends on and she says "It depends on who you really are!"
So who are you?
Are you the person who in their spare time actually wonders if your friends are all right? Those that you say you love, do you love them because they have benefits or because you genuinely think they are worth caring about. It's so strange...if I were to be honest with my self, like brutally honest? I'd say about half the people I say I love I actually love. (Then there is that rare person who you are scared to say you love because you don't want to break your heart if they don't feel the same amount of affection....) Hm.
So who am I?
I am Kaylla. ha, no way? yup. That's me. I have issues with trusting people so I make issues up that never even existed. I create ten times more drama in my life than anyone else. I create issues for other people too. Skillful huh? yah, I thought so too.
...What if people could only tell you exactly what the truth was, no matter if they knew what the truth was or not. If that were so I'd know at least what people say about me, instead of hearing the whispers (still haven't kicked the eavesdropping habit...oops). I got tired of living in the shadow for years and years and being a nobody but is being a somebody worth anything if nobody else cares about you as a somebody other than just another name on their facebook account?
Can you imagine how your day would go?
At least with all the lies gone you'd look life directly in the face. Instead of dealing with maybes and should bes you'd be dealing with...bes. ha.
....maybe I do deal with bes. Maybe life really is the way it is and I just make up that there are hidden meanings just to confuse myself. It's not TOTALLY unlikely, y'know?
I mean gosh! I know for sure that at least 8 people love me and always will. :) heck, who can do better than knowing that?
gosh...sorry for the downer post. I'll be better tomorrow - or next time I post (whenever that is) I promise. maybe even later tonight. who knows.
Kaylla
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