Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Halle Jayne White

we drove our beaten car to bountiful. it was quite the journey, having to stop twice for gas and praying that the engine didn't overheat. yes, quite the adventure. worth it? absolutely.

we arrived shortly after two i believe and we walked into the bountiful hospital. following directions we went up to the second floor and were directed toward the right room and number. opening that door we saw her. oh the beautiful little thing. megan was feeding her so we waited briefly for her to finish. my mom got to hold her and we just spent time holding her, each of us getting a turn.

when it came around for my turn i wasn't sure what to do. i was nervous. i've never held a new-born baby before now...in fact i've rarely held babies at all, being the youngest i just have very limited experience.

it was beautiful.

something about the soft red skin. something about the way she scrunched her entire face together and went purple for a little bit. something about those tiny toes...each one as infinitely beautiful as the other. she was absolutely perfect. with her forest of feather-soft brown hair i just wanted to cry. what a beautiful, magnificent daughter of God...she was beautiful.

for the first time i felt as if i actually thought that something...something was right about holding a baby in my arms. i've never felt that before, in fact i've always wondered if i was one of those women who wasn't meant to have children in this life because kids always seemed to just...cry...around me. i'm kind of like a guy that way - tears scare me.

holding that piece of heaven, as beautiful as a breath of clear music i never wanted to let go of that little bundle of joy. when she sneezed i wanted to just smile forever and ever. when she wriggled around i wanted to hold her closer and closer until she became a part of me.

standing up and rocking her to sleep made me realize that a mother really could love a child, no matter what. something about that totally innocent, completely helpless child cries out for love from every single person who holds them. a child of God fresh from His presence, so pure that they couldn't do any wrong even if they wanted to.

the way she blinked and her eyes were unfocused, the way she moved her tongue around, even her crying was so beautiful!

it was sweet - my dad called while we were there and aaron {my brother} told halle to say "hi" to grandpa. she screamed the loudest at that moment. it was perfect. i think she knew what she was doing.

someday that will be me...someday i'll have a little baby of my own. someday...someday sounds so wonderful. I thank Heavenly Father that i am a girl...and have that potential to be a mother, to nurture His other children. I hope to do as an amazing job as i know megan will do and as my mom and grandmother's have done.

Kaylla

{post script: her name was going to be halle elizabeth but it didn't sound right. jayne is my grandma alberts' name - my mom's mom. it's a family name...it's so wonderful...}

No comments: