Sunday, October 2, 2011

"It is better...

. . . to look up."

I think this is my new...theme, motto...whatever you want to call those. It just seems to gather in all that I've wanted in my new life. Always be happy, remembering Christ above any romantic ideas that come to me. Focus on Him, the one who is the only one we can truly focus upon.

sometimes I get distracted...

but I am so lucky to have Him in my life. On countless times when I thought that the only person I wanted was the one fella who I liked and who couldn't be there for me...He was always there. He's always been right beside me, sometimes He has even held my hand. And when Sunday school teachers ask me to share any experiences that I've had where I've known that Christ was with me...I say in my head "are you serious? I felt Christ by my side and you want me to tell you about it?" maybe I'm selfish...but those moments with my Savior, are precious. and very...very sacred to me.
more precious than the ring upon my finger, even though it says CTR on it. I think that that ring too is so eminent of my new love for the phrase "It is better to look up." because CTR hasn't meant "choose the right" for a long time now for me. It means "Choose to Remember" and also "Christ the Redeemer" and when you put them together...?

Choose to Remember, Christ the Redeemer.

I thought it was rather beautiful too.

But maybe...that's just me.

It's another Lovely thing in my life right now. Because when I choose to remember Him, I know I will always choose His path, rather than the wrong or left one. How could I not? I've had dreams of His path, and in that dream...I was led to a garden where I could find my family, where I could find love. It too was Lovely.

I've been thinking a lot again about my future family. How will we handle big events? Will I ever be a good cook? Will my children be well-behaved or will they be horrible little wretches that I choose to love anyway? And my husband...? I know of only one word to describe him that's been given to me, but what else is there? Was my dream about him true as well? What if I meet someone who is fitting to that dream almost to the most possible amount that they can be...what if I get carried away in that and still marry the wrong man? What about May 6th? or January 27th? All those people...I've prayed for him since I was a child and learned that I could, although sometimes on and off. When will he rescue me? Or am I to rescue myself and then we shall find peace in each other?

and what is the quest...?

Sometimes I think too much. Sometimes I ponder...

But most of all, I simply think about how every single one of these things depends on me and how my life right now, no matter how much better and more in sync with the Lord's plan it is, I am still failing. Going the way that I am, there is no way I can have this beautiful and Lovely life that I desire. I need to do better, I need to be firmer in my beliefs, I need to delve deeper into the scriptures...and what's nice about that I really do want to.

Now I just have to Do it.

And all the while that I am doing it, I will always Look Up. because that is better.

Love you,

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