Thursday, August 25, 2011

just a few tears. no big deal.

today was going absolutely perfectly. until fourth period.

i'm dead serious, absolutely everything was working out, my TA spot in the Library, concert choir, politics with griffin, even photography where my assigned seat is next to a totally emo goth girl. it all was going good. and even the beginning of fourth period was fine. until they announced another solo assignment.

let's just say that by the time everyone was gone and i was talking to mrs. dunn...i was simply in tears.

in this world i'm pretty sure God could have done without that little thing called BIAS. we could all use a dose of honesty. i'd rather have honesty that hurts than biased lies that still hurt, because you know they are lies.

people keep telling me i'm so good, but skill level next to this kids in Spotlight Singers Donald Duck next to Sleeping Beauty. or any other simply beautiful and amazing disney character. Donald serves his purpose...but not as something i want to be. i wish i were as talented as the other kids. there's even a sophomore who made it into that class and she sang Memory from Cats...and it blew me away.

i just feel like i'm being left in the dust. i bit off far more than i think i could chew. with AP Lit and AP Stats, Singers, Concert Choir, CE Politics...and all the stress at home with money issues...i just think i'm about to explode. and then the cherry on top. the only people who i feel haven't forgotten me, honestly truly...are two people. for the sake of not offending anyone i won't say who they are though. but really. i'm not stupid, i read facebook. i hear of things that have gone on. yah, i know i'm not invited because i live so freaking far away, but that doesn't mean you can't text me and talk to me anymore. am i boring? am i over-dramatic? {maybe a little...don't answer that} but do I not care for you enough to be involved in your lives?

I freaking care! why can't all of them just do the same?

and then...amaya and charlie and craig and ciara and all of them...they are wonderful. i really want to become friends...but it's just taking forever. and when i'm going through all of these other things, i need friends to help least i'm used to having friends to support me. and now i feel like i have no one to go to. i'm completely lost.

so yah. just a few tears.
really. it's no big deal.
don't worry about me, i'll be fine.
i won't quit, because i know i'll regret it.


{post script} i'm also freaking exhausted so if you text me at like 10pm i'm just going to ignore you because i'm too tired to stretch my self-inflicted bed-time for you. you know who you are.

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