The Empty Bench

Sometimes there are moments when you just feel so . . . lonely. I gotta admit - that's one of my very big weaknesses, I love people, I love interaction but when it comes to real deal relationships (and I'm not talking boy+girl stuff) I'm really horrible.

I talk to my mom about wishing I had friends more like me - I have one or two but just . . . wish there were more people who knew the stuff I knew and talked about it. (No offense to my other friends - this is not a ragging on you - pinky promise)

My mom has often told me that to have good friends you have to be one. I don't think I'm a very good friend - that's my problem. I expect and ask for so much . . . and yet give so little. How do I even deserve the friends I have? SO . . . I don't believe in only making New Year's Resolutions, I believe in a weekly goal . . . so for this week - I'm going to be a good friend. Also, my summer goal is to get my personal progress done.

Back to the loneliness stuff. So I've been having an increasing aching to find that special someone. I know - I'm pathetic :) a hopeless romantic and a mixed up tomboy . . . yeah horrible. Gosh - I tried to wear a pretty shirt for the first time in like . . . a year for a weekday instead of Sunday and yeah . . . I felt SO uncomfortable. Eventually I changed my shirt (for the third time) into one of my T-shirts. I'm hopeless - I'll never be able to wear pretty clothes. haha ANYWAY - so I'm lonely right? okay well I've been catching myself daydreaming about when school starts and you meet all the new people . . . I've been hoping that there will be a handsome newcomer who I will be friends with . . . friends first and then . . . just that. See - I don't want a real relationship! Am I ridiculous or what?!? Haha so anyway. Done spilling my guts.

Have you ever thought of your perfect romance story? Like for you? I have . . . I don't know if I'm the only one but I have, won't deny that I'm a complete weirdo. :) But maybe that's another post . . . just for topic separation's sake right? right. (but let me just note that I first off don't want to like my future companion right off - in fact I'd rather hate him at first, also I don't want him to be the same girl that everybody likes. I dunno but I hate it when that happens - kind of just . . . impersonal) yeah . . . like I said - different post.

So that's my goal - no empty benches. They were meant to hold friends in conversation or strangers at a good distance to get to know each other. Just thought I'd connect the picture ;)

Have a great . . . evening :)

KaYlLa